Saturday, March 28, 2020

Celebrity shorts: Black Panther's weakness (written by Felix)

This is another delightful little celebrity story from our reader Felix (author of Tom Daley's low hangers and Brandon Urie's voice trainer). I hope you enjoy is as much as I did! :-))


This takes place after an alternate ending where Killmonger is imprisoned.

The coronation was underway. Thanos had been defeated and the UN had decided to grant some extra territory to Wakanda, meaning that T'challa had to be crowned again. As per the laws of the land, he called out, "Are there any challengers to my throne?"

Deep from inside the maximum security prison, Erik roared, "I seek coronation by combat" as murmurs ran through the crown.

The next day, the two royals met alone atop a hill, wearing nothing but the traditional loincloths. (T'challa had decided to be practical and also wear briefs. The last time he'd worn a loincloth he was 12. He'd 'grown' since...)

The fight started out straightforward enough, with the two grappling about, each trying to throw the other. Surprisingly enough, it was the reigning king who made the first dirty move (albeit by mistake). Erik had grabbed him from behind and T'challa tried to get a hold, except instead of a more traditional one, he ended up grabbing the former's loincloth and pulling, inadvertently squeezing Killmongers orbs nearly flat. Taking it as an invitation to retaliate, Erik responded with knee after devastating knee to T'challa's orbs till the latter was on the floor gasping, and the wind blew over his loincloth.

"You're wearing briefs? Hiding something small?"

And in one swift motion they were off. As it turned out, T'challa was not hiding something small. His pendulous orbs went till his feet. Killmonger smiled.... this was going to be a very fun fight indeed.

He began by pulling T'challa's nads and running around, causing the hapless king to be dragged along. Then, he unexpectedly stopped. T'challa, still running, was carried forward by inertia and went straight over the mountaintop. He was now being held by his nuts and could feel the chords being stretched further. Erik took pity and let him back. However, before declaring victory, he wanted payback.

"You started this with a wedgie, and now I'm ending it with a wedgie"

"A wedgie? How? My clothes are gone?"

"You'll see", and with that, killmonger yanked the deposed king's balls upwards through his ass, giving him a wedgie with his own massive nuts.

Five months later, King Killimonger's new palace had been built. But there was an unexpected change. Instead of a bell at the entrance, the former king hung. Being fed by the latest iv technology, he was on top of a glass plate with a smwll whole which allowed his balls through. Everybody who wished to seek entry simply had to tap the old King's balls lightly to produce enough sound. And the humiliation didn't end here. A new education policy mandated comprehensive sex education for collehe students, each of whom would have the erstwhile ruler as a model. Furthermore, the new king, wanting to stay in shape, had taken to using t'challa as a punching bag(the black panther claws didn't help either) . The constant abuse had led to his penis slowly shrinking from its former footlong glory to being the smallest in the kingdom, meriting many memes and jokes. Indeed, people had taken to measuring small distances in T'challas. And every day, T'challa wished he hadn't accepted the new territoried which had necessitated his re-coronation.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for doing a story based on my suggestion!

Felix said...

Hope you liked it.

Anonymous said...

T'Challa was hot in the movie. Fun story!

glamdring said...

Absolutely amazing.

Felix said...

Thank you anon! Glamdring, I've followed your blog for a long time and your kind words mean a lot to me!

Anonymous said...

i love that you included big black balls ;)

Felix said...

Hi anon! I know this is very serious for a bb story, but I don't agree at all with what you just said. I personally think that stereotypes even when "positive" encourage racism. I didn't think of the well known African-American stereotype when I wrote this. My characters just happened to be black. Alex, do you agree?

Alex said...


I‘m with you, Felix. I don’t think the anonymous reader was encouraging stereotypes, though. Most of the balls on this blog are big - but almost all of them are white. I‘m glad that you brought some more diversity to this blog with your story, and I think that’s what the anonymous reader was trying to say. :-))

Felix said...

If that was the case, I apologise Anon. Thanks for the new perspective Alex. Your ability to assume the best 0f everybody is heartening every time

Anonymous said...

Could you do Luffy and his Kintama next? That island scene?

Felix said...

The stretchy guy from one piece? I'm afraid I had to Google that. It looks promising, but I'm not so sure many readers would know it.

Toothpick said...

Nice to see a hint of sph in this
Really wish there was more
Feel like we rarely see any

Felix said...

I'll keep that in mind!