Thursday, October 16, 2008

Auditions - round 1: Xander vs. Jordan

Previous parts:
Placing the ad

Featured in this story: Xander (click for pictures)

Today, it was the last day of the first round in our series of auditions.

So far, Milosh, Len, Cillian, Ian, Nestor, Logan and Dean had won their fights and made it to the second round.

Now it was time for the last two candidates to fight it out.

was wearing jeans and a light blue shirt. The 24 year old guy had blond hair and a handsome face. Today, he was sporting a designer stubble. Jordan had told us he was a comedian. I didn’t know whether he was a good one. I hadn’t seen his routine, yet, and he hadn’t been particularly funny the last time I had met him.

When the door opened, and Xander entered the room, Jordan greeted him with a cheerful. “Hey, fella, ready to get your cherries picked today?”

Xander stopped and stared at him.

He was wearing sunglasses, just like the last time I had seen him. Today’s glasses were obviously a very expensive designer brand. He took them off and looked at Jordan, his eyebrows raised. His trousers, his shirt and his shoes were white, and he looked just like the spoiled rich boy that he was.

“Who are you? The Joker?” Xander said.

chuckled. “Well, actually, I am---“

“Oh, shut up”, Xander interrupted him. He walked over to me and sighed. “Do we have to do this?”

I looked at him and smiled.

A couple of weeks ago, Xander had tried to bribe me into letting him be our model without any fighting. Apparently, he had a bet going with a friend of his. If he didn’t get the job and win his fights against his opponents, he’d lose his Ferrari.

“No way”, I said.

Xander frowned at me. Then he pointed at Jordan. “That the guy who I have to castrate?”

grinned weakly. “Well, we’ll see who---“

“I’m not talking to you”, Xander said sharply.

“It’s not about castration”, I said patiently. “You’ll just have to win the fight.”

Xander nodded. “Who is he?”

took a step towards him and smiled. “Actually, we met”, he said, extending his hand. “I saw you fuck that poor---“

“Yeah, whatever”, Xander sighed. “Let’s get it over with.”

He turned around and planted a solid kick into Jordan’s crotch. His white leather shoe connected with the considerable bulge in Jordan’s jeans, flattening it and making Jordan let out a surprised yelp, followed by a long, miserable groan.

Xander looked at me. “That it? Can I go now?”

coughed. “Scrambled eggs”, he chuckled, grimacing in pain. “My favourite.”

Xander shot him a depreciative look.

I turned my head and looked at my cameraman Chad.

grinned and nodded. “Everything alright. I started filming when he entered the room…”

I turned to Xander again. “You’ll have to fight against each other until one of you gives up.”

Xander rolled his eyes. “That necessary?”

“Maybe you’ll lose”, Jordan suggested, cupping his balls.

Xander laughed. “Yeah, sure”, he said, “says the guy with the scrambled eggs.”

grinned sheepishly.

“Alright”, Xander sighed and turned to his opponent. “Let’s do it.”

rubbed his crotch and put his hands on his hips. “Good, so we’ll---“

With all the force he could muster, Xander brought his foot into Jordan’s crotch, flattening his tender testicles with the instep of his shoe and crunching his nuts with an audible thud.

’s eyes bulged and he let out an agonized roar. He stared at Xander in disbelief as his hands found his aching balls and clutched them for dear life.

Xander grinned. “How’s that for scrambled eggs, huh?”

doubled over. His knees turned inward and he whimpered in pain.

Xander adjusted his crotch and watched Jordan’s hands nurse his nuts.

tried to laugh his pain off, but his face didn’t look very cheerful…

Xander watched him and sighed. He turned to me and shrugged. “Listen, I---“

Seizing his chance, Jordan leaped forward and tackled Xander to the ground.

Xander growled in pain as he landed on his back, his sunglasses falling to the ground and sliding away. “You fucker!” he screamed. “My glasses!”

ignored him and balled his fist. He looked up at me and grinned. “You know what my favourite ballet is?”

I rolled my eyes and looked at Chad.

My cameraman chuckled.

slammed his fist into Xander’s bulge, making the blond boy whimper in pain.

“The nutcracker”, Jordan shouted triumphantly.

Xander groaned in pain.

I sighed.

“At least he has a sense of comic timing”, Chad grinned.

I chuckled.

lifted his fist again and winked at the camera. “What’s the capital of Thailand?”

Xander groaned.

Bangkok!” Jordan shouted and punched Xander’s nuts hard.

Xander let out a shrill scream. “Stop it, you fucking moron!”

The two boys struggled, but Jordan seemed to be having a run.

He lifted his fist again.

“Not another one”, I mumbled.

“Wanna be a farmer?” Jordan shouted.

I sighed.

“Here are two achers to start with!”

’s fist met Xander’s nuts, bringing a miserable groan from Xander’s mouth.

looked proud. He turned to the camera and grinned.

“A comedian”, I mumbled.

“With access to one bad joke book”, Chad chuckled.

lifted his fist again and opened his mouth.

Thankfully, Xander found his strength and brought his knee up into Jordan’s ribs.

Jordan groaned.

Xander rolled to the side and crawled away. He cupped his groin and looked at Jordan with rage and contempt in his eyes. “You fucking moron”, he growled. He got up and walked toward Jordan who was on his knees, holding his side.

Moron”, Xander growled and kicked his foot, aiming for Jordan’s head.

His shoe connected with Jordan’s jaw and the self-proclaimed comedian screamed in pain. He clutched his jaw and wailed from the top of his lungs.

Moron”, Xander repeated and brought his leg back. He kicked right between Jordan’s legs, catching his bulge dead on.

whimpered and doubled over.

He got up and stumbled backwards, stepping onto Xander’s sunglasses with an audible crunch.

Xander looked at him, his eyes wide open.


“Did you just destroy my sunglasses?” Xander said slowly.


“Did you just--- I’ll show you two achers”, Xander mumbled and punched Jordan’s balls.

wailed in pain and collapsed on the ground.

Xander knelt down next to him. He quickly unbuttoned Jordan’s jeans and yanked them down, exposing Jordan’s boxers.

whimpered in pain.

Xander grabbed Jordan’s boxers and ripped them off, revealing Jordan’s naked genitals.

“What did you say about scrambled eggs?” he laughed, grabbing his opponent’s nuts and squeezing hard.


“Those aren’t eggs, those are raisins!” Xander chuckled, squeezing Jordan’s precious balls in his hand.

’s eyes filled with tears.

Xander twisted his hand, bringing another high-pitched squeal from Jordan’s lips. “Your favourite ballet?”


“Say it!” Xander barked and twisted Jordan’s nuts.


“Say it!” Xander growled.

“The nutcracker”, Jordan whimpered.

Xander laughed as he ground Jordan’s nuts in his hand. “Yeah, right!”

howled in pain.

“And the capital of that fucking Asian country?”

Bangkok”, Jordan whimpered.

Xander let go of his nuts, only to send his fist down, squishing Jordan’s nuts and making the hapless comedian scream in pain.

Bangkok!” Xander chuckled and brought his fist down again.

’s eyes twitched and he retched.

“And that farmer joke is so pathetic that I’m not even gonna repeat it”, Xander said, letting go of Jordan.

looked miserable. His jaw was beginning to swell and his jeans were around his ankles. He rolled onto his stomach, cupping his crotch and whimpering in pain.

Xander reached between his legs, grabbed his nuts and pulled them up between his thighs.


“Now I’m gonna scramble your eggs, you clown”, Xander grunted and placed the sole of his foot onto Jordan’s naked testicles.

tried to roll away, but Xander was adding pressure, stomping on his balls, grinding them like he was stomping out a cigarette.

was squealing like a pig, while Xander laughed and squished his nuts under his shoe.

He didn’t even stop when Jordan began gagging and retching.

Xander grinned and twisted his foot some more, causing Jordan to cough and plead for mercy.

“Please, stop, please…”

Xander grinned and lifted his foot, allowing Jordan to curl up in a tight little ball, whimpering and sobbing.

Xander rubbed his hands and looked at me. “Finished”, he said. “Give me his address and I’m gonna send him the bill for the sunglasses.”

I stared at him. “It was an accident.”

Xander shrugged and walked up to me. “Give me his address.”

“Sorry”, I said, “There’s nothing---“
Xander growled and snap-kicked my crotch.
I stared at him. At first, I wasn’t feeling anything, but I knew, of course, that the pain was about to come.
“Xander!” I whispered.
The 23 year old boy looked at me, smirking.
“Xander!” I repeated in a toneless voice.
Xander chuckled.
I heard Chad laughing.
Then the pain his me.
It started as a low, soft wave of nausea that crept from my nuts to my stomach. Then it turned into full-blown sickness. I felt like my nuts had imploded and were fighting to leave my body in liquid state through my throat. I was about to vomit right there onto Xander’s white shoes.
Xander seemed to realize that, too, so he took a step back.
I retched and gagged.
Xander sighed.
I doubled over, grabbed my agonized testicles and fell to my knees. My forehead touched the ground and I let out a long, miserable wail.
My head was brimming with pain.
I heard Xander and Chad talk to each other in the faint distance.
“Jordan’s address?” Xander said.
I clutched my aching nuts with both of my hands, rocking back and forth on my knees.
“Here”, Chad said, sounding inappropriately cheerful. He seemed to genuinely enjoy seeing me suffer.
I whimpered in pain.
Then I heard Xanders footsteps as he left the studio.
I looked up. My vision was blurred. I saw Jordan who was sobbing in pain.
I turned my head and saw Chad looking down on me, grinning.
I groaned.
Chad laughed. “Don’t mess with Xander…”
Another wave of pain washed through my aching body.
We had our eight contestants for the next round, now: Milosh, Len, Cillian, Ian, Nestor, Logan, Dean, and Xander.


Anonymous said...

Really hot story. I always love the asshole guys. If Xander gets through you have to have a story between him and David. See who is the biggest ass hole and has the best balls.

Anonymous said...

Totally agree with the comments from anon 1. Cool story (and so happy that Jordan is out). Your natural humour is much funnier than the corny one-liners :-) Can't wait for round 2 now that those losers are gone. I like Xander but it seems I'm in the minority. Anyway, not all champions are popular !

Anonymous said...

god, David and Xander are both total D-Bag's who shouldn't even be in anymore stories.

Anonymous said...

Them being total d-bags is what makes them hot. Ass holes busting and being busted is really hot!

Alex said...

Thanks for your comments. I realize that Xander is a bit more difficult of a character than the others (just like David), but I like writing stories with him, so I guess he'll continue to be with us now and then... ;-)

Anonymous said...

alex: pay attention to the position of your characters. You said that Jordan stepped back onto the sunglasses but he was on his knees and then crumpled up. How could he "step" backwards. You are getting sloppy. Also, some of your possessives aren't correct either. Ususally you are good about things, wassamatter??

Alex said...

Thanks for your comment. I'm sorry that there have been some mistakes lately. I guess it's because I'm pretty busy at the moment, and I don't have as much time for writing stories as I used to. So I'm in a bit of a hurry, and more often than not I publish the stories without proof-redaing them first...
I promise I'll try to be more careful in the future... :-))

Carter said...

Who wears sunglasses to a fight and complains when they're destroyed?

Alex said...

Yeah, Xander is one of a kind... :-))