Friday, February 15, 2008

Middle of the night

Featured in this story: BenColin and Kev (click for pictures)

Kev’s voice was buzzing with excitement when he called me. It was six o’clock in the morning and he hadn’t called the studio but my private number. He didn’t even greet me or say who he was. His first words after I had picked up the phone were: „Ben and Colin have a great idea for a new sport event!“

Then he waited for my reaction. He had interrupted me in the middle of a heavenly dream – so I wasn’t very receptive to his breaking news.

I yawned. “Who are Ben and Colin?” I asked, looking out of the window and verifying that it was still dark outside.

“Some of my buddies at the dorm”, he said quickly. “And they have a great idea for a sport event!”

“Erm, that’s great, Kev”, I yawned. “Can we talk about it tomorr--- toda--- well, later?!”

I started to put the phone down.

“Alex!” I heard him yell.

I sighed and put the phone up to my ear again. “What?” I said.

“Well, it’s perfect for you! Perhaps you’d like to cover it?” Kev was really excited.

“Cover it?” I didn’t understand.

“You know, get your cameras into our dorm, shoot the competition, have some in-depth interviews with the competitors, the whole package”, Kev explained. “We have a college TV channel that we’re approaching for live coverage but they are a bit short of staff so we thought that you could work with them. You know, synergize…”

“Perhaps you could tell me what it’s all about?” I tentatively suggested.

“The Ballbusting Olympics.” Dramatic pause. “At our dorm.”

I was still half asleep and although the idea sounded intriguing I wasn’t in the mood to work up much enthusiasm. But apparently Kev expected me to get me excited. I tried. “Sounds great.”

“Yeah.” Judging by the sound of Kev’s voice he was very proud of the idea.

“Well”, I yawned, “it’s a good idea.”

“He likes it”, I heard Kev yell into the room, followed by the cheers of a few male voices. Then he turned to me again. “Ben and Colin and I have been up all night drinking and partying and we logged on to the website and watched a few of the videos. We really liked the ‘Soccer balls’ video. Those soccer players are good.”

“Yeah”, I heard a male voice cheer in the background. Then a loud voice roared into the phone:

“Soccaaaaaahhhh baaaaalllssss!”

I sighed. I held the phone at arm’s length.

“Stop it, Ben!” Kev yelled.

“Soccaa--- Ow!” Ben yowled. “Fucker! My nugge--- ow!”

I heard a dull thud – presumably of Ben falling to the ground – and the laughs of Kev and a third guy mixed with Ben’s screams of pain.

“Nice one, Colin”, Kev laughed. “You got him right in the candy factory…”

I sighed again and put the phone nearer to my ear. “Kev?”

“Sorry, Alex, Colin had to neuter Ben…”

I heard Ben moan in the background.

“Shut up, Ben, it had to be done!” I heard Colin scream.

“Perhaps you should go to sleep”, I suggested. “And we---“

I was interrupted by a high pitched scream from one and a laugh from another person.

“Got you back!” Ben crowed and laughed hysterically. His laugh was cut short. “Ow! Colin! You---”

It was the war of the candy factories over there. And judging from the sounds quite a few pieces of rock candy would end up seriously damaged.

“Fuck! I’m trying to have a conversation here” Kev shouted.

“Kev”, I started. “Why don’t I come over to the your place next week and we’ll talk about it?”

“Okay”, Kev said. “That’s--- oh fuck, let--- Colin, let--- stop, Ben--- fuck--- stop--- owwwwww!”

I put the phone down. Kev was probably too busy engaging in some alpha male ball fighting to continue this conversation and I desperately needed another hour or so of sleep. My mind was filled with images of candy apples and sugar coated pills and I was sure that my dreams would be unhealthily sweet…

Granted, the “Ballbusting Olympics” idea sounded exciting. I was curious how the guys were gonna pitch it to me.

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