Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Deal with Phil

Featured in this story: Phil and Alex (click for pictures)

Today Phil came over to the studio.

He was born in England and moved over here a few weeks ago, when an American soccer club offered him a very attractive contract. Since then the 18 year old soccer player has proven to be a first-class goal-scorer and the rising star of US soccer. Along with fame came an advertising contract, and now his cute face is on billboards all over the country, promoting some kind of aftershave or perfume.

When the Ballbusting Olympics Committee (BOC), i.e. Kev, Ben and Colin, had organized everything for the sports competition that was underway at the moment, they had forgotten to get someone as an impartial referee. When they asked me if I knew anyone for the job, I immediately thought of Phil, and subsequently he got the job.

Now he was standing by the pool table, rebounding cue balls against the bank. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, with brand new sneakers on his feet.

“I’ve gotten a lot of mails and comments about you”, I said.

He smiled. “Yeah? About my good looks?” He made a funny face.


I laughed. “Among other things…”

“Great.”

“And a lot of people are hoping that you’ll get a bit more involved in the Olympics.”

Phil looked at me. “I’m the umpire. I can’t get involved.”

“Sure”, I said. “I was thinking--- Well, someone suggested that you could take care of the penalty shots in the Awards Ceremony.”

Phil raised his eyebrows. “Why would there be penalty shots?”

I grinned. “We’ll think of something…”

“Oh”, Phil smiled. “I see.”

“That is, if you agree to do it”, I continued.

Phil shrugged. “Why not.”

“Okay! Great. It’s gonna be a surprise for the athletes, so don’t tell anybody.”

Phil grinned. “I won’t.”

“Good.”

“So what do you want me to do?”

I shrugged. “Kicking balls would be great.”

Phil chuckled and grabbed the bulge in his crotch. “I’m good at that…”

I smiled. “I know.”

Phil turned to the pool table again and rolled the white ball around. “What’s in it for me?”

“Well, we’ll pay you”, I said slowly.

“Of course you will”, he grinned. “But--- I mean--- Do you know how much money I make with the team and the advertising?”

“I’ve read it in a paper, I think”, I said sheepishly.

Phil shrugged and grabbed the pool ball again. “So you think I need the money?”

“I guess not.”

“Right.”

“So”, I paused. “Well. What do you want, then?”

Phil chuckled and dashed the pool ball at my groin.

I was wearing loose trousers and the ball caught both of my nuts dead on.

I yelped and doubled over.

The pool ball fell to the ground and rolled away.

My nuts were killing me, throbbing with red, hot pain, and my vision was blurred when I looked up at Phil.

The red-haired boy grinned and shrugged. “I’ll think of something.”

I moaned.

Phil walked around me and patted my back.

I was too distracted by the pain in my balls to notice him talking a step back. I noticed, though, when the tip of his foot smashed into my tender marbles, crunching them into my body. Again, his aim was perfect. Both of my precious valuables were smashed by the tip of his sneaker, and I collapsed on the ground.

“Sorry, mate, there was no way I could pass a chance like this…” Phil grinned.

I coughed and nodded, trying a weak smile. “Do we… have a deal?” I croaked.

“Sure”, Phil shrugged. He patted my back again. “Come on, that wasn’t too bad, was it?”

“No”, I lied. “I’m okay.”

I straightened myself and tried to smile once more, ignoring the throbbing pain in my testicles.

“Great”, Phil smiled.

He gave me a manly hug – I made sure to cover my groin with my hands so that he didn’t see another perfect opportunity – and smiled. “We’ve got a deal.”

“Yeah”, I whispered.

“See you on Thursday”, he smiled and left the studio.

“See you”, I said hoarsely.

When he was gone, I sat down on the couch and opened the fly of my trousers. I had a good, thorough look at my balls and found that they were slightly red, but otherwise okay. You never know with those soccer studs. If anyone knows how to kick balls, they do…

I was thinking about the deal. I didn't have any idea what he might be thinking of.

Do you?

3 comments:

deprime said...

I think he's thinking that he should get revenge on Kev.

deprime said...

Also, i figured that when Kev went iverboard on his time limit during Nutball, her eraned a peanlty shot aswell.

(FROM NUTBALL)

"The regulations say he has to make his move within 30 seconds or his opponent is granted a penalty point."

"Kev has to throw within the next 5 seconds or Tristan gets another point”, Danny said. “3 – 2 – 1.”


Phil blew his whistle."

Alex said...

Hi deprime, great ideas! I'll use both of them! Thanks!