Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Video links: Balance beam ball bangers

The balance beam is one of the cruelest devices ever created. It's like someone thought, "Gymnastics is for girls anyway so let's think of an apparatus that turns boys into girls." Oh boy, and is this apparatus ever efficent! If you have ever straddled a balance beam and landed nuts-first on the hard, merciless wooden surface you know what I'm talking about: Your sex life flashes before your eyes as your poor balls are crushed by your own weight. The tears that well in your eyes are probably the only salty liquid that you'll ever produce anymore. And everybody around you is laughing.

Here are a few of my favorite balance beam nutshots.

Let's start with a straight one, short and sweet. There's some nice nut-to-wood contact and we're pretty sure that wood (morning or otherwise) will not be a problem again for this poor fella.

Here's amore elaborate version featuring a trampoline, a fluorescent tube, and a brave Olympic athlete in underwear. I love the dialogue: "Why are you naked?" - "Pants are too constricting." "Aha." Go for gold! (And crush those Golden Globes!)

Here's another brave Olympic athlete who is training for the big event in his garage. It looks a little amateurish to me - but hey, it gets the job done: The young man's jewels have been turned into diamond dust by the end of the video.

Here's a brilliant idea: Gymnastics blindfolded. What do you think happens when you balance the beam while being blindfolded? Exactly. (You get a short glimpse at the nutshot at the very beginning, and a longer take at 1:28.)

That was fun, wasn't it? Wouldn't it be fun if there were a lot more balance beam nutshots from these guys? Guess what - there are! Here's the Cyrus Dobre gets hit in the nuts compilation! (I know it's not what you expect me to say but: Cyrus, if you're reading this, please stop balancing on the balance beam! You might have guessed from the pain in your nuts - you're really not good at this. Think of the little Cyruses that will never see the light of day if you continue to do this. Please, Cyrus, think of the children!)

Okay, that's it for today. What's your favorite balance beam nutshot? Let me know by leaving a comment or by sending me an email (

Thank you!


James said...

Hahaha, nice! Didn't even consider these types of nutshots before XD. Although that last vid was p fake if I'm not mistaken :P

Alex said...

Thanks for your feedback, James! Yeah, that video was probably fake but I like it nevertheless. :-))