Monday, November 24, 2014

Video links: Game show ballbusting - Germany

A bull's eye. Always a nice touch.
See the outline of his low-hanging balls at the bottom?
That's friendship: The same buddies who have just
whacked him in the balls are now comforting him...

It's a fact: People around the world love seeing guys get whacked in the groin. We've seen nut-crunching clips from Brazil, the Netherlands and the United States of America. Now it's time to turn our attention to Germany.

My home country is associated with a lot of things: bratwurst for example, excessive and gratuitous yodeling, beer (producing and drinking), and an absolute lack of humor. Which I don't think is funny at all.

In this entry we'll ignore all those tired old cliches and focus instead on soccer, philosophy, war, and cars. I know, I'm completely thinking outside the box here...

First up: soccer. Maybe you have heard that Germany won the FIFA World Cup this summer. In case you didn't know: soccer is pretty big in Germany. I'm still hung over from the victory party...

By the way: Click here if you haven't read my soccer themed Wold Cup stories yet and read about international soccer stars doing what they do best: kicking balls.

A German radio station decided it was a fun idea to have their intern dress up in a silly "human goal wall" costume and challenge pedestrians to kick soccer balls at him. When they score a bull's eye (i.e. hit him in the nuts) they get money for it. Yay!

Unfortunately the male competitors utterly fail. But there's a young woman who manages to hit the target right in the balls. It's not a great clip but I thought it might be a nice way to kick things off...

Choice dialogue at 1:04 (loosely translated):
Contestant 3: "We don't want to make peanut butter." (verbally: "We don't want the bells to ring...") 
Host: "That's no problem at all." 

Now let's focus on philosophy. Is there something more precious than a profound discussion about an amazing piece of art? In this case, the piece of art is the movie "Bad Grandpa" and the artist is professional Jackass Johnny Knoxville. He made an appearance on the show Circus Halligalli: Klaas, one of the two hosts, plays a little game of nutball with him while talking about "Bad Gandpa" as part of the show's recurring segment The Unnecessarily Complicated Interview. (I know it's not a game show per se. But it's a game. On a show. So it counts.)

Click on the image to watch the clip.
Unfortunately I couldn't embed it.
In another show featuring Klaas, Das Duell Um Die Welt (literally: "The duel around the world"), he competes against his co-host Joko in a series of silly games. The following clip shows Joko trying to identify songs that are hummed simultaneously by a group of old ladies. For every song he doesn't get, he is punished by the old lady in question. He doesn't get a single song right. The segment is called Hit Me Omi One More Time.

Joko really plays it up, and everybody has a lot of fun with it...

Click on the image to watch the clip and skip to 4:55.
Again, I wasn't able to embed it.
Choice dialogue (loosely translated):
Joko: "Let me tell you, sometimes the light sack slaps are worse than the hard ones!" (05:14)
Klaas: "I admire the ladies' precision. It's so hard to get his one nut." (08:00)

In another edition of Das Duell um die Welt we revisit the soccer theme: Joko and Klaas have to compete in a game of foosball (or table soccer). Anyone who has played it knows: The bars are placed at just the right height to smack you in the goolies if you stand to close to the table. In this segment called Franz Beckenhauer* the contestants can't step back because there's an obstacle behind them. And there are boxing gloves attached to the bars. Hilarity ensues.

* The title is a word play on the name of Germany's most famous soccer player (and also one of Germany's most insufferable, ignorant idiots if you ask me) "Kaiser" Franz Beckenbauer. "Becken" also means "pelvis" and "hauer" means "hitter".

Click on the image to watch the clip.
The third clip from Das Duell um die Welt doesn't really have anything to do with war (you probably know that Germans don't like to talk about the war) but with the next best thing: guns. In this instance, we're talking about paintball guns. And about Klaas getting shot in the nutsack at close range in a challenge called Russisches Roulette (Russian Roulette). He has to answer questions. If he fails, he gets shot with a paintball gun. He spins two wheels of fortune: one to determine the target area, another one to determine the number of shots. Fortune isn't really on his side, though, since the first punishment is "Sack, Titte, Sack" (which I probably don't have to translate...)

Click on the image to watch the clip and skip to 4:20.

Now, finally, let's talk about cars. In the following clips we find a very different case of fahrvergn├╝gen: The German edition of the show Fist of Zen brings a lot of fun to the drivers, and a lot of pain to their poor buddy.

The concept of the show is virtually identical to Silent Library (which we covered when we looked at the US): Groups of guys compete for a cash prize. All they have to do is remain silent while facing ridiculous, disgusting and/or painful challenges. And of course the show's producers couldn't resist bashing the contestants balls. Note the bull's eye on the contestants' crotches - not very original but very hot. And since Germans don't like to do things half-heartedly, these guys are not wearing cups, so we get a pretty good look at their junks in those tight white undies...

Remote control nutcracker (1):

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Remote control nutcracker (2):

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Remote control nutcracker (3):

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That's it for today. I hope you enjoyed the clips. If you know of more ballbusting in game shows (be it from Germany or from any other part of the world) please let me know by leaving a comment or by sending me an email (!

We'll return soon with more nut whacking game shows!


HotMaleScenes said...

Amazing! I love silent library and similars.

Alex said...

Thanks for your feedback! I love those shows, too! :-))

Union Ball said...

Is There Fist of Zen’s videos?

Alex said...

Thanks for your comment, Union Ball! I have replaced the links. Now the videos should be working again. :-))

Union Ball said...

Thank you so much!