Saturday, February 16, 2008

Research

Featured in this story: BenColin and Kev (click for pictures)

After Kev’s early morning phone call I had managed to get another few hours worth of sleep until I woke up and immediately remembered his and his dorm buddies’ idea. They had proposed some sort of “Ballbusting Olympics” but hadn’t specified. Some weeks ago Kev had told me that he and his friends had put up a website for their dorm so I searched the internet and found it quite quickly.

I tried to remember the names of the guys he had been with. It took me a coffee and some fresh air to come up with the names: Colin and Ben.

The dorm’s website consisted mostly of party pictures that were organized in various galleries. Each picture had a more or less witty caption written underneath. In the “Beer Pong 2008” folder I found various a pictures of the three of them entitled “Colin, Kev and Ben – abs-solutely gay...”. All of them were obviously drunk. Kev was lifting his shirt up to his neck while Colin and Ben – both of them shirtless – stood on either side of him and pretended to lick his nipples with their outstretched tongues. The picture showed off Kev’s muscular abs and his face was an comically exaggerated grimace of pleasure. Some people had commented below the image but most of the comments came down to “That’s gay.” or something similarly inventive.

Colin and Ben looked the same age as Kev and they were equally muscular and athletic. Colin had dark blond hair, Ben’s hair was black and both of them had their hair cut short. They had handsome features and killer smiles – they were exactly the types that were popular in highschool, successful in sports, but not quite as successful when it came to writing essays or crunching numbers… I suspected all three of them had bedded an impressive number of cheerleaders because of their looks and their well-known stamina.

The next picture – entitled “Colin, Kev and Ben presenting their jam-packed gift bags” – showed another potential reason for popularity with girls. Now all of them were shirtless and showing off their nice abs and smooth chests. Kev was standing in the middle and had a large arrow painted on his upper body that faced down and pointed towards his nether region. The guys wore short sweat pants and grinned at the camera. All three of them framed their private area with their hands, putting their nice, ample genitalia on display.



I read through the comments. Among the expectable insights into college students’ minds - “That’s gay…” – were a few funnier ones: “Dickhead” wrote “Be careful! Don’t squeeze too hard or all the juice comes out :-P” and “too lazy” wrote “Coco nuts!”.

Except for a few pictures of Colin, Kev and Ben playing beer pong and a pretty unfavourable picture of Kev passed out on a couch with “loser” written on his forehead there were no other pictures of the guys in the “beer pong” gallery.

Scanning through the rest of the galleries I noticed two more folders of interest: One entitled “Nutball competition 2007” and another one with the name “Teabagging”. Deciding to keep the best for last I opened the “Teabagging” folder. Inside were a dozen pictures of various guys that were dangling their naked nutsacks out of their fly or one leg opening of their sweat shorts and touching their passed out or sleeping friends’ faces with it, usually with a wide grin on their face or poking their tongues out at the camera. Kev seemed to be the most daring. One picture showed him straddling Colin’s face. Colin had his eyes closed and his mouth open and he was obviously out of it. Kev was smirking at the camera and inserting his big, fat, hairy ballsac into his buddy’s mouth. The caption said “Kev feeding Colin some well hung meat.”

The next picture (the last one in the folder) showed the aftermath. The caption said “Revenge – shaven and stirred…” Kev was lying on the couch, passed out or sleeping, with his sweat pants pulled down to his ankles. His bare genitals had some traces of white shaving cream on them. Colin had done a good job: There was no hair left on Kev’s cock and balls. His equipment looked even bigger now, due to the fashionable revamp courtesy of Colin and the perspective of the camera. Colin was grinning at the camera, a razor blade in one hand, his ball sack that was hanging out of his sweat pants in the other and he was pressing his fat, meaty balls against Kev’s face.

I thought about what Kev must have felt when he had woken up the next morning…

The “Nutball competition 2007” folder contained more than twenty pictures. Apparently the guys knew how to organize a sport event: Dozens of guys were standing at the sidelines and cheering for the players. The first picture showed the contestants, seven guys (including Kev and Colin) that were dressed only in skimpy white briefs with a large bull’s eye on the front. These guys had obviously taken a lot of inspiration from the Jackass version of the game but instead of regular underwear with hand painted bull’s eyes their sportswear seemed to be more professional. The bull’s eye was clearly printed on the briefs.

In the background of the picture was a sign with the painting of a pair of briefs with a bull’s eye. The words said “Go for the nuts!” and there was a company logo for some kind of snack manufacturer. I was impressed. They even got sponsors.

Most of the pictures in the folder showed guys throwing baseballs, guys doubling over from a hit and a few close-ups: tightly packed briefs through which you could easily make out the outlines of the meaty jewels that were tucked inside. One rule of their game seemed to be that their cocks had to point to one side so it didn’t interfere with the impact. A few of the close-ups showed some nice, round balls being brutally flattened by the impact of the baseball.

The captions paraphrased the action seen in the pictures: “The contestants before the game: nuts intact.”, “Kev aims low.”, “Direct hit to Jonah’s applebags.”, “Jonah’s satellites sending S.O.S.”, “Kev’s ego suffers a blow.” , “Ouch. Jonah’s out.”, “Colin’s nuts get crunched.”, “Colin’s nuts get crunched again.”, “And again.”, “Colin gets peanutbuttered.”, “Colin’s chances at reproduction: zero.”, “Ouch. Colin’s chances at reproduction: below zero.”, “Finally: Colin scores.”, “No mercy: Kev takes down Colin’s army.” etc.
In the end, Kev won. He had told me that he was the reigning nutball champion of his dorm so that wasn’t surprising for me. The last picture showed him holding his winning trophy, a large silver cup that he held above his head. Some of competitors lay on the ground, their hands reaching inside their briefs and holding their balls.

I looked at my watch. It was almost noon and there was a lot of paperwork waiting for me at the studio. I decided I had done enough research for today and left for work.

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