Monday, January 20, 2020

The B Factor: Dumb nuts (Elimination #9)

In our ninth elimination round of The B Factor we asked you to answer the following question: Who is the smartest? 208 votes have been counted, and here are the results.

(The full, unredacted results of the elimination rounds will be published before the final episode of The B Factor.)

SAFE FOR NOW (in alphabetical order):
Chris Evans
Tom Holland

THE BOTTOM TWO (in alphabetical order):
Jake Gyllenhaal
Zac Efron


Zac Efron with 13% of the vote.

Wow! Poor Zac continues the sad tradition of a bottom-two-first-timer facing Jake Gyllenhall and getting eliminated, a tradition that we have seen several times before!

He is eliminated from The B Factor – and here’s his punishment.


Dumb nuts

Featured in this story: Zac Efron and Logan (click for pictures)

“Wait a second“, Zac Efron said slowly. “Wait a second!”

Logan waited patiently.

“Wait a second”, Zac repeated. The handsome Hollywood hunk looked confused. He had made a name for himself in musical and comedy films, light entertainment, and it was widely known that he wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box. “Wait a second…”

Another couple of seconds passed, and Logan smiled and waited.

Logan was 18 years old, blond and blue-eyed, a successful and popular high school wrestler who had won championships and tournaments. The last win had come with a prize: Zac Efron would visit Logan’s school. Logan had managed to get him to take part in the Bartlet High Carnival Fair, an annual event featuring colorful game booths and various attractions created and organized by students for students, teachers and parents. Every year, the money raised in the event was donated for a good cause, and this year, with Zac Efron involved, was shaping up to set a new record.

Logan had presented Zac with two options for his participation: The Kissing Booth or The Nutcracker. The principal had just opened the Carnival Fair, and they were standing on a stage in front of a large audience. There had been a few giggles and laughs as Logan had presented the options, and the principal had looked a little awkward...

Now it seemed like the Hollywood actor had a much harder time choosing his booth of the day than anybody had expected.

“Pick The Nutcracker!” a guy shouted, eliciting another round of laughter. “How bad can it be?”

Zac Efron chuckled. “You want me to pick The Nutcracker?”

The crowd cheered.

“Not The Kissing Booth?”

More cheering.

It was quite obvious that most of the guys wanted Zac to do The Nutcracker, and most of the girls wanted him to do The Kissing Booth.

“I think”, the principal said slowly. “I think you want to pick The Kissing Booth.” He had no idea what The Nutcracker was – but knowing the students at his school it sounded lewd and possibly dangerous to him.

Apparently, Zac had no such qualms.

“The Kissing Booth”, the principal repeated.

Some people in the crowd laughed.

Zac looked at the principal.

“I think”, the principal said very slowly, piercing Zac with his eyes. “I really think you want to pick the The Kissing Booth.”

“I don’t know”, Zac said, turning to the audience. “What do you think?”

The crowd cheered.

“The Kissing Booth”, the principal said. “I think that’s your choice.” He tried to end the spectacle but Zac didn’t let him.

“I’m not sure”, Zac said, smiling at the crowd. He was a pro, playing the crowd like a fiddle. If there was one thing Zac knew how to do it was pleasing an audience.

The principal tried steering him in the right direction, probably to avoid a lawsuit or a scandal or both, but Zac ignored him.

Finally, after much back and forth, he yelled: “Okay, so here’s my pick.”

The crowd went quiet.

“The Nutcracker!” he yelled enthusiastically.

There was a moment of silence and everybody waited for Zac to correct himself and pick the Kissing Booth.

But he didn’t, and his choice was greeted with thunderous applause, cheers and laughter while some girls were heard booing.

Logan chuckled. “Brave choice, man, brave choice”, he said into the microphone.

They left the stage and Zac turned to Logan. “That was awesome, wasn’t it? The crowd loved it.”

Logan chuckled. “Yeah, that was great.”

“We’re gonna have a lot of fun”, Zac chuckled.

Logan grinned. “Sure. It’s going to be great!”

“Now”, Zac smiled. “What’s The Nutcracker?”

Logan shrugged his shoulders and smiled. “Well, isn’t it self-explanatory?”

Zac stared at him. “Self…” His voice trailed off.

“I mean, doesn’t it explain itself?” Logan said.

Zac blinked.

They arrived at the booth that had been built by some skilled members of the drama club as a joke. It was a simple construction: a large St. Andrew’s cross with several straps attached to it, and a large sign that said THE NUTCRACKER – 1 KICK 1 BUCK.

They stood in front of it, and Logan chuckled. “That’s it”, he smiled.

Zac chuckled. “Where are the nuts?”

Logan let out a laugh. “Well…” He pointed at Zac’s crotch.

It took a moment for Zac to get it. “Oh”, he said. “That’s--- Oh.”

“What did you think it was?” Logan laughed.

Zac scratched his head. “I dunno. I guess I thought we’d, well, crack some walnuts or something.”

“Yeah, well”, Logan raised his hands. “What can I say?” He chuckled. “I guess it’s your walnuts that are gonna get cracked…”

A few minutes later, Zac was stripped to his underwear and strapped to the cross, his legs spread apart. He was wearing briefs that left very little to the imagination. His big balls and his dick were outlined in the fabric.

It was a sunny day and there was no need to worry about a cold. There was a need to worry about Zac’s reproductive organs, though: Very quickly, a long line was forming in front of the booth. It was mostly guys, but several girls had decided that they’d go with the flow: If they couldn’t snatch a kiss from Zac Efron they’d at least seize the chance to kick him in the nuts.

The first guy in line paid two dollars and kicked Zac Efron in the nuts twice in a row, ramming his nuts into his body and making him squeal in agony.

The actor looked a little surprised at the force of the kicks, and Logan and some of the people waiting in line couldn’t help but laugh at his funny face.

The line was getting longer and longer.

One by one, they paid to kick Zac Efron in the nuts: three dollars from a guy with glasses, five dollars from the science teacher, sixty-five dollars from the combined football team, an additional five dollars from the football coach, ten dollars from a dad who had to sit through every single High School Musical several times – and there was no end in sight.


Nine down, three to go. The B Factor continues!


Anonymous said...

How wonderful to see celebrities contributing to good causes!
I don't think you mentionned the Charity in this story. Maybe they're collecting for a new ward at the local hospital? Testicle trauma department, perhaps?

Anonymous said...

Hi Alex,

Poor, poor Zac Efron. He made it to the final four.
Sometimes stupidity can lead you to make bad decisions

Hahaha what a fun story Alex.



Alex said...

Thanks for your feedback, guys! I‘m glad you enjoyed this little story!

@ anonymous:
I love the Testicle Trauma Department idea! Maybe that‘s the starting point for a new story? I‘ll think about it. :-))

Anonymous said...

Haha right! I can picture a kinky male nurse in the testicle trauma ward with a lot of hot patients. Mostly cocky young athletes that have been humbled by unfortunate sporting mishaps!
I remeber Ben dressing up as a hot nurse once... maybe he could try making a career if it! For sure he would enjoy making fun of the patients and their "weak little balls", at least until they gang up on him and crack his nuts. Ben would make a pretty hot patient ! Maybe Kev would bring him a get-well-soon cars and some grapes (seedless of course)

Alex said...

Thanks for your comment! I love your ideas - the "seedless grapes" thought made me laugh out loud! I'll think about it! :-))

Nud said...

I like the medical idea but the idea that studly jock get busted is overdone already. Have them(Ben/Logan) be the one giving treatment to non-jock instead. That is something I have rarely see happened.
The jocks would have a load of fun acting out the role and busting their patient. Maybe Sammy, the Geek could be the one getting his balls busted by this "medical team" instead.

Alex said...

Thanks for your feedback, Nud! I like your idea and I‘ll think about it. :-))