World Cup Testers: Germany

Featured in this story: the twins (click for pictures)

Thomas Müller and Mesut Özil burst out laughing.

Both of them star midfielders on the German national soccer team, they were wearing the team’s home kit, black shorts and white shirts with white socks and soccer cleats.

24-year-old Thomas looked at his buddy and grinned. “Gleich gibt’s Rühreier…”

Mesut broke out laughing.

We were at the FIFA World Cup in Brazil, working with young marketing consultant Kieran to shoot a couple of video clips promoting BULL’S EYE protective cups. Kieran had come up with a simple idea that had convinced the BULL’S EYE executives, and we had been able to sign some of the most prolific and successful soccer players of the world to participate in our little skits.

“What did he say?” Kieran asked me.

I grinned. “They are looking forward to it”, I said. “He joked about scrambling some eggs.”

Kieran chuckled.

The eggs in question were neatly packaged in BULL’S EYE jockstraps.

Michael and Will, the 22 year old twins, looked very hot in those. Their perfect gymnast bodies were naked except for the white jockstraps which had bright red bull’s eyes printed in the front. The two blond identical twins were very well endowed, and it looked as if their junk was barely fitting into the skimpy pouches.

Will adjusted his crotch and grinned. “Hey, Mikey, which one do you want?”

His brother Michael frowned at him. “Don’t call me Mikey. And I don’t care.” Michael was his usual grumpy self. Frankly, I had been surprised that he had agreed to come to Brazil with his brother. From what I knew, the two had had a falling out recently, but apparently they had reconciled. Nevertheless, I couldn’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t feeling very comfortable.

“Shouldn’t we ask Thomas and Mesut?” I suggested.

The two soccer players shrugged their shoulders.

“They both look the same”, Mesut said.

Will grinned and looked at Mesut. “My nuts are tougher than his. If you like a challenge I suggest you pick me.”

Michael rolled his eyes.

Mesut chuckled. “Okay.”

Kieran handed two sheets of paper to the Germans. “Your lines”, he said. “Feel free to improvise. The first line and the last line, that’s what we need.”

Mesut and Thomas nodded.

Thomas rubbed his hands. “Alright, let’s go.”

Kieran handed each of them a plastic BULL’S EYE protective cup that sported a bright red bull’s eye on the front.

Mesut inspected the cup, bending it before looking at Kieran and grimacing. “Wow, this is pretty bad quality…”

Kieran smiled. “Yeah, it is.”

“But it does protect your family jewels, right?” Mesut asked. “I mean, I don’t wanna get sued by someone who can’t have kids because the cup didn’t work.”

Kieran looked him in the eyes. “It works. I tested it myself.” The 23 year old marketing consultant adjusted his crotch. “And I didn’t get any complaints from the ladies.” There was a slight twitching in his eye as he touched his junk.

I’m sure Mesut and Thomas missed it, but I didn’t and couldn’t suppress a grin. I had witnessed Kieran’s cup test – and it had gone spectacularly wrong. I was pretty sure that he hadn’t gotten any complaints because he had avoided sex for the last couple of days.

“Okay, man, let’s kick some balls!” Thomas said impatiently. Apparently he couldn’t wait to wreck the twins’ sex life.

Will chuckled.

His brother shifted uncomfortably.

“Wait, how are we going to do this?” Mesut asked.

The two soccer players talked in German for a few seconds. Then they walked up to the twins and put the cups into their jockstraps.

“I thought you wanted to scramble our eggs”, Will protested jokingly. “You can’t put them back into their packages…”

Michael rolled his eyes.

Mesut and Thomas laughed.

“Let’s go”, Thomas said.

My cameraman Chad nodded at me. I nodded at Kieran.

“Action”, he said.

“I’m Thomas Müller”, Thomas introduced himself.

“And I’m Mesut Özil”, Mesut added.

“We have an important message for you”, Thomas continued, standing next to Michael.

Mesut was standing next to Will and continued, “Always wear your BULL’S EYE protective cup.”

Simultaneously, they reached into the twins’ jockstraps and pulled out the cups.

“Because if you don’t”, Thomas grinned and threw the cup away at the same time Mesut got rid of the other one, “this is what happens.”

The twins stood still, their legs spread apart, their bulging baskets waiting to be smashed as the two German soccer players walked behind them. Mesut stood behind Will and Thomas took his position behind Michael.

“Damn”, Michael whispered as he realized that his testicles were going to get smashed from behind.

Thomas and Mesut looked at each other and grinned. Then, in perfect unison, they kicked the twins’ nuts with all the force they could muster.

The tip of Mesut’s foot smashed into Will’s tightly packed pouch, crunching his nuts hard and almost making his dick and balls flop out of the jockstrap.

Thomas’ instep collided with Michael’s nuts, flattening them against his body.

There was a brief moment of silence before the twins erupted in ear-piercing screams.

Thomas and Mesut cheered and high-fived as the twins’ knees folded inward and they doubled over, clutching their crotches.

“Fuck”, Will coughed.

Michael moaned in agony.

“Oh”, Thomas cooed in mock-sympathy. “You should have worn a cup, right?”

Mesut laughed.

“You know what could be even worse than a kick?” Thomas asked.

Mesut looked at him, an amused expression on his face.

“A punch”, Thomas said.

“Without a cup?” Mesut cringed in sympathy. “Damn, that would hurt.”

“Wanna try it?” Thomas grinned.

“Sure”, Mesut chuckled.

They kneeled down in front of the twins who had barely recovered from the kick.

“Hand behind your back”, Thomas said in a friendly yet firm voice.

The two blond hunks complied, grimacing in pain and panting heavily.

The two soccer player’s fists connected with the twins’ nuts at the same time, making the two bulging packages bounce wildly.

Will and Michael screamed from the top of their lungs as their balls were brutally smashed by precise and powerful uppercuts.

Again, Thomas and Mesut cheered and exchanged high-fives.

Will and Michael were doubled over, clutching their crotches.

Suddenly Thomas burst out laughing. “Look at that!” He pointed at Michael’s crotch where his left nut had found its way out of its confines. The skin of his sac was wedged by the jockstrap, causing the bulging and rapidly swelling testicle to be trapped in place.

Michael looked down at his groin, grimacing in pain.

Mesut chuckled. “That’s what happens when you don’t wear a cup…”

Thomas laughed. “Imagine getting hit with your balls out like that”, he grinned as he reached into Michael’s pouch and freed his other nut, making his naked sack dangle invitingly between his thighs.

“That would hurt even worse”, Mesut said cheerfully, following Thomas’ example and pulling Will’s balls out of his jockstrap.

The twins looked at each other, desperate expressions on their faces and their naked ballsacks hung unprotected in the open.

Mesut and Thomas balled their right fists and smashed them into the twins’ nutsacks, flattening them against their thighs.

Will’s mouth dropped open and he let out a wheezing groan.

Michael’s eyes crossed slightly and he screamed in pain.

“Ouch”, Thomas chuckled.

Mesut laughed.

Apparently, the two Germans understood each other without speaking, as they drove their fists into the twin’s bare balls again.

Will’s face scrunched up in a painful grimace and he looked like he was about to throw up.

His brother’s voice rose an octave, culminating in a soprano-like wail.

“I’m sure this hurts, too”, Thomas said, grabbing Michael’s naked nutsack in a vice-like grip. His fingers closed around the neck of the sack, trapping his balls at the bottom. The two tender organs looked swollen and bruised, and the color of his sac had changed into an unhealthy rosy red.

Mesut grimaced in mock-sympathy as he eagerly grabbed hold of Will’s balls in the same way.

Thomas chuckled and drove his open palm into Michael’s exposed testicles. The slapping sound echoed through the room. He pulled on Michael’s balls, making him bend at the knees, before slapping his balls again and making him shriek like a little girl.

Mesut laughed and joined in, pulling down on Will’s sac and slapping it hard, driving the trapped orbs into his fist.

Michael and Will sounded like a twisted version of crazed soccer star fan girls, shrieking in pain as their nuts were slapped again and again.

Finally, Thomas and Mesut stopped, looking at each other and laughing.

They got up and Thomas fetched the cups they had thrown away earlier.

Michael and Will were panting, their naked bodies glistening with sweat. Their nuts were hanging out of their jockstraps, and they looked red and swollen.

Michael was clutching his crotch while his brother had his hands on his knees, catching his breath, grimacing in pain.

“Let’s see your balls, boys”, Thomas chuckled.

Groaning and moaning, the twins straightened, allowing Mesut and Thomas to examine their reddened nuts.

“Ooooh”, Mesut grimaced in mock-sympathy, pointing at Will’s swollen nutsack. “You see, this is exactly why you should wear a cup!”

Thomas chuckled.

The two soccer players exchanged glances, then they playfully slapped the twins’ battered plums with the hard plastic cups, making them gasp in pain and double over.

Mesut and Thomas held up the cups, grinned into the camera and said, “You better wear a BULL’S EYE protective cup!”

“Cut!” Kieran shouted. “Perfect, that was perfect!”

Mesut and Thomas laughed and exchanged high-fives.

The twins sank to the ground, whimpering in pain.

The two Germans patted their shoulders.

“Thanks, guys, this was a lot of fun”, Thomas said.

“Let’s do it again sometime”, Mesut suggested.

Thomas broke out laughing. “Maybe we can get Poldi and Schweini to provide the balls next time around.”

Mesut grinned. “They’re gonna love it.”

Thank God we had remembered getting two ice-packs for today, because they were desperately needed.

“It was nice meeting Müller and Özil”, Will said cheerfully, an icepack sitting on his crotch, as we rode back to the hotel an hour later. “They’re great guys.”

His brother was less enthusiastic. “They were pretty hard on us”, he mumbled, his eyes closed and leaning back.

Will shrugged. “Of course they were.” He grinned. “Maybe we should have worn cups…”

Even though his brother had his eyes closed I could see him rolling his eyes.

“So what’s the plan for tomorrow?” I asked Kieran.

“Tomorrow”, he said, beaming with excitement, “we’re going to meet Lionel Messi.”