Friday, April 3, 2015


Very special thanks to Chadfan! We co-wrote this story and had a great time exchanging emails and tossing ideas back and forth. This story is a bit different from the rest of my work, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Previously on “From stud to dud”:

Title credit: I read the phrase "From stud to dud" first in pooiu's 2010 f/m story Busting League: Day 1. Check out his excellent story blog Busted Spuds.

Rocco opened his eyes. The 31 year old stud yawned, stretching his big, muscular frame. He felt tired. Dull. Like he had slept for days... And yet...

He yawned again, squinting at his grimy bedroom ceiling. His bedroom? He didn’t remember getting into his bed. How did he get here?

Scratching his hairy chest with one hand, Rocco furrowed his brow in thought. What had happened? He remembered being on a road trip. Had that just been a weird dream? His brain was all foggy. He couldn’t remember. Maybe this was all a dream, and the real Rocco was still out on that road trip.

Rocco yawned once more. This was pretty confusing.

He heard Bucky and Shawn talking in the bedroom next door. Maybe they knew?

Rocco closed his eyes. He’d have to ask them when he got out of bed.

A second later, he was snoring like a bear.


Next door, Rocco’s friends Bucky and Shawn were having a late breakfast on Bucky’s mattress. Brownies and a spliff for Bucky, and a beer for Shawn.

Lying on his stomach, Bucky made a lazy stab at the pan of brownies with his fork. The 30 year old’s brown hair was ruffled and messy. Shirtless, he wiped his hands on his dirty long johns, discovering another burn hole in the process. He spoke into the old landline phone he cradled between his shoulder and ear.

“Yeah dude... Yeah, it's safe. Shawn put it away.” Bucky listened to the person on other end of the phone, and tugged at his junk absentmindedly. His semi hard dick poked lazily against his long johns.
Shawn was lying next to Bucky, wearing nothing but a pair of stained briefs. The scruffy redhead idly drew a picture of a dick on one of Bucky’s notebooks with a large permanent marker. He finished off the drawing with a caption, “Looking for a good home.”

Bucky wrinkled his face and chuckled into the phone. “Bro, that's weak. You touch cock all day for a living- how can you not be like, inoculated to it? They're just cocks dude. Besides, you touch yours- All. The. Time.” Bucky's eyes widened. "No dude, I don't care who's touching it right now, I- What? Oh. Actually that's... pretty cool." Bucky listened again, rolling his eyes at Shawn. “Okay dude, I got this. Me and Shawn have to bounce.”

The redhead burped loudly as Bucky hung up the phone.

Shawn waved his hand in front of his face, and snickered. “Your brother is such a dumb fuck.”

Bucky smiled, and stabbed at his brownies. “You're just mad because he bangs all the girls you like.”

“That's because he bangs everything.” Shawn grunted. “I saw him bang a goddamn mailbox once. Just dropped his pants, and went at it. It was all clenched, hairy man ass and big floppy balls slamming against the drop slot. BANG! BANG! BANG! Imagine the poor mailman discovering your brother’s spunk all over phone bills and letters to grandmas!”

Bucky chuckled. "You imagine my brother's spunk a lot?"

Shawn shook his head and grumbled. “You don't have to imagine it, when it's fucking everywhere. That fucker needs to get fixed.”

“Yeah, dad's thought about that a couple times..." Bucky shrugged. "But Brad's a great surgeon."

Shawn rolled his eyes. “Doctor Brad, 'Cock Whisperer.' Well, did the Cock Doctor Supreme have any good tips?”

“Not really.” Bucky forked a mouthful of brownie.  “Not much I didn't already know.”

Propping his chin up with his hand, Shawn waved the marker in the air with a small flourish. “Why can’t we just sell it?”

Bucky rolled over and looked Shawn square in the eye. “Dude, look, I already told you. We are not selling Rocco’s dick.”

Shawn glared at Bucky, and rolled onto his back.

The redhead walked the permanent marker down the length of his stomach, making a trail of little dots, before stopping at his crotch. He wiggled the marker there, holding it upright. Shawn pried at the loose waistband of his underwear, lifting it to see his stubby cock. His short, stubby cock.

“Hey Bucky,” Shawn mumbled, “you think you could stick Rocco's dick on another guy?”

Bucky shrugged. “Like a transplant? Sure dude – but Rocco wants his dick.” The stoner scratched his balls, his dick flopping around in his long johns. “A dude would be hard pressed to find another dude who'd give up his cock.”

Shawn frowned and went back to doodling. He drew another dick, this one with a little pair of wings on it, before closing the book, and sighing. “How much time have we got?”


Rocco blinked awake – the bright noon light streaming through his window. Maybe it was time to get up. Yawning, he rolled out of bed and heaved himself to his feet. He toddled out of his room, leaning against the wall for support. Damn, he was feeling dizzy. He scratched his hairy stomach. Maybe he needed some food.

Naked and sleepy, Rocco stumbled downstairs into the kitchen. He opened the fridge. Nothing except a six pack of beer. He sighed and opened the freezer, expecting the same yawning void.

Frozen Pizza. Nice. Rocco leaned into the freezer, trying to read the box, despite his blurry vision.
Italian... Sausage.

Rocco pulled the beat up box from the freezer, and was surprised by its weight. The box was already open, so he dumped the contents onto a cookie sheet.

Out fell a large sausage, frozen solid.

Rocco squinted at the foreign food object. “Weird. No pizza”, he mumbled.

Suddenly, he noticed Captain Crunch politely seated on the kitchen floor. The black Rottweiler looked at him.

“Hey bud,” Rocco mumbled. “You hungry, too, huh?”

Captain Crunch let out a bark.

“Okay. You wanna split this with me?” Rocco picked up the sausage, and banged it lightly against the kitchen counter.

Crunch wagged his stumpy tail.

The oven hadn’t worked in months, so Rocco pulled a plate from the drainer, and tossed the sausage into the microwave. He examined the settings.

“What do you think Crunch? Low Heat? Defrost?” Rocco mumbled sleepily. “This thing is pretty big.”

Crunch barked again.

Rocco chuckled. “Yeah, you’re right. High heat.”

Rocco and Crunch waited patiently as the sausage spun slowly, around and around, while the microwave droned quietly.


Rocco opened the microwave and picked up the steaming sausage. “Shit, that’s hot.” He dropped it back on the plate. “Needs a minute to cool off.”

Captain Crunch sniffed the air, and whined expectantly.

Rocco gave Captain’s head a rough pat. “Gonna go take a piss. Be right back.”

He walked out the kitchen into the bathroom.

They needed to clean this bathroom. There was a stained calendar of some swimmer guy from the Olympics. Rocco squinted. That was from a while ago, wasn’t it? It had to be, because Rocco was sure most of those stains were his cum – and he hadn’t cum in what felt like, well, a long time.

Rocco stood in front of the toilet and adopted a wide stance, reaching down to lazily grab his dick.

He swiped at empty air.

Yawning, Rocco made a second attempt at grabbing his dick.

Another miss.

He tried a third time.

Suddenly, it dawned on him that something was wrong. He furrowed his brow in confusion and pawed at his crotch, his heart sinking rapidly.

Wide awake all of a sudden, Rocco turned to look in the mirror.

Across his forehead, scrawled in thick, black permanent marker, was one word. “DICKLESS.”

Rocco’s eyes shot down to his crotch. Above his big, furry ballsack--- He gulped. Above his big, swinging nuts--- He closed his eyes, and bit his lower lip.

“Not possible. No. No way”, he mumbled.

Rocco forced his eyes open, and looked down. Above his two big, heavy, balls was a tiny little band-aid. Nothing else. A tiny little band-aid where his huge, fat cock used to be.

Rocco’s eyes widened and he let out a yell. “What the fuck?!”

A sudden realization made his knees go weak. “Italian Sausage”, he whispered.

He rushed out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, his eyes falling on the big plate of... dick.

“FUCK!” Rocco screamed.


“Shit. Did you hear that, dude?” Bucky sat up straight.

“Sounds like Rocco’s up,” Shawn said before emptying his beer can.

“Sounds like Rocco’s mad,” Bucky said slowly.

They rushed down the stairs to see Rocco standing in the middle of the kitchen, a hysterical expression on his face.

“Hey dude”, Bucky said slowly.

Shawn pushed past Bucky, capping the permanent marker. “How’s it hangin’, big guy?”

Rocco was almost dancing in place. He gestured to his crotch. “It’s gone!” he shouted.

Bucky grimaced and nodded. “Yeah, listen, it’s not as bad as it looks, dude. I stitched up the wound and it looks pretty good.” He leaned forward and looked at the tiny little band-aid above Rocco’s huge low hangers. “In fact, it looks better than I thought it would. Dude, I barely even had to shave your pubes,” he added with a proud smile.

Rocco looked around in bewilderment, his eyes finally meeting Bucky’s. “But--- How?”

Shawn patted Rocco’s back. “You lost it in the van accident, numbnuts. Remember? The sliding door cut it clean off. Bucky needs a bit of time to do some research before he puts it back on.” Shawn shook the empty pizza box, a dumb grin on his face. “Sorry, we didn’t have any baggies, so I stuffed it in here.”

Bucky waived his joint in the air casually. “I’ve never re-attached a dick before, you know?” Noticing Rocco’s terrified expression, he added quickly, “But now I know how it works, dude. Piece of cake! No problem at all, dude.” He gave Rocco a reassuring smile.

Shawn pointed at the band-aid. “Think of it like---” He thought for a moment until his face lit up. “Like your dick took a short vacation.”

Bucky laughed, and took a hit from his joint. He looked around the kitchen. “Rocco, where is it anyhow?”

Rocco swung his gaze back to the kitchen table. The plate was empty.

He spun around, just in time to see Captain Crunch trot out the kitchen door, and disappear around the corner, a huge sausage in his mouth.


Captain Crunch trotted down the street. That dumb human. He had tried to get his teeth into that big, fat cock all night, but the drunk and the stoner vet had put it into the freezer, and out of his reach.

But you could always count on the big dumb guy to do something really stupid.

Now he had to find a place and hide his treasure. Some place where nobody would find it.

Captain walked down the street, passing a car lot and a man in a gorilla costume holding an advertising sign. Dumb humans. Captain Crunch padded past him, his teeth digging into the soft flesh of the massive, meaty dick in his mouth.


Quint had been standing at the side of the street for three full hours. He didn’t mind standing all day, but his gorilla costume was really bugging him.
Gorillas had small dicks.

He had read that somewhere.

Yesterday, he had spent the day fully clothed inside the gorilla costume. The costume was a gorilla because it went along with a sign that said, “Our cars will make you go bananas!!!”

It was funny. Gorillas ate bananas – which looked a bit like dicks. Quint chuckled. Gorillas ate big dicks.

Today, he had decided to strip naked before slipping into the costume. Not that it felt much different. It was still hot as hell, but at least his nuts could breathe. He held the sign with one hand, and reached down with the other, pulling at his crotch. Quint wasn’t good at being a gorilla. His dick was too big.

Inside the suit, Quint’s muscular body was covered in sweat.

There were a lot of animals that guys compared their junk to, Quint thought.

If you were “hung like a bear”, you had big balls, because bears have big balls. But did bears have big dicks? Quint wasn’t sure. Bulls had big balls. But their dicks were weird. Dogs chewed on dried out bull dicks. You could buy them at pet stores. Most pet dogs had their balls chopped off. Troy lost his balls.

Quint noticed he had a raging hardon, tenting the crotch of his hairy suit. If you were “hung like a horse”, you had a big cock. And big balls. Like Quint. He was like a horse in a gorilla costume. A horsilla.

He glanced at the car lot. The owner was busy talking to a buxom customer in a tight red dress, leering at her ample cleavage.

That would give Quint at least five unobserved minutes to have a break...

He walked into an alley behind a building, finding a shady place and taking off his gorilla mask. His blond hair was dripping wet and sticking to his head. Sweat was dropping from his bristly beard.

Quint leaned his back against a dumpster and closed his eyes.


Troy had waited all day for this opportunity, hiding behind the dumpster in the back alley by the car lot. He ran his hand over his buzzed head. His short brown hair was prickly, and slick with sweat.

He was on the run from the police. After he had been arrested for indecent exposure and disturbing the peace, the cops had done a little research into his background. They had come up with a compelling little story of drunk driving, substance abuse, illegal gambling, and “repeated violent offenses”. He was looking at jail time.

Troy had been to jail before, and it wasn’t half-bad. He had gotten off on dominating the other inmates.

“Fucking top dog.” Troy whispered to himself.

And why not? He was intimidating. He still was. Troy rubbed his six pack and sneered.

He was still hot. He was still ripped. Still tan. He still had his awesome tats. Still had his...

Troy groped his crotch, and found his floppy dick in his orange prison jumpsuit. His dick.

Troy closed his eyes. “I... have a big dick... Big, big, big... Big dick.”

Unfortunately, this time jail would be different. No balls. Troy had no balls. He might as well be a fucking Ken doll.

Now all he had was an empty, hairy, floppy sack.

Troy rubbed his stubbly chin. Stubble. How much longer would that grown for? Would his face still be handsome without it?

Without nuts, his chance of being the top dog in jail was close to zero. He was going to be someone's bitch. A nut-less bitch. Troy was not going to let that happen.

This morning, he had escaped from custody. Before leaving town, he had to settle the score with the guys that had taken his balls. Bucky and Shawn. They were going to feel his wrath. And Rocco, too. He was the reason for all of this.

But he needed Quint’s help. Or at least his disguise.

He sneaked out from behind the dumpster and walked up to Quint.

“Hey, man”, he said casually.

Quint opened his eyes. “Troy!” he yelled in surprise.

Troy glared at him and put his hand over Quint’s mouth. “Quiet, asshole!” he grunted. “The whole town’s looking for me!”

Quint gave a muffled response and Troy took his hand away from Quint’s mouth.

Quint looked at his buddy. “Aren’t you---”

“Getting gangbanged in a prison cell?” Troy snarled. “No, I’m not.” He looked Quint in the eyes. “I need your costume.”

Quint blinked. “But Troy, that doesn’t make---“

“I need it now”, Troy hissed. He grabbed Quint’s hard dick, and twisted it painfully. “This!” Troy bent Quint’s dick downward, almost snapping it off. “This is still mine.”

Quint grunted. “But Troy, man, I don’t have any clothes on under this.”

Troy rolled his eyes. “Jesus, Quint, how do you survive on your own?” He let go of Quint’s dick, and grabbed the ranch hand’s big bull nuts through the furry gorilla suit, squeezing them with a vicious grip.

Quint gagged. He tried to push Troy away with one hand, balled his other into a fist, and brought it up between Troy’s thighs, ramming it into the ex-security officer’s crotch.

Troy’s reaction was a bitter laugh. “No nuts, remember?” He grabbed Quint’s shoulders and slammed him against the dumpster before ramming his knee into Quint’s groin as hard as he could, eliciting an anguished groan from his buddy.

Three more nut-crunching knees found their way into Quint’s balls before he collapsed on the ground, moaning in agony.

Troy looked down at him, sneering. “Now give me that costume.”


Bucky, Shawn and Rocco were running down the street in pursuit of Captain Crunch.

They had no time to get dressed. Crunch had already disappeared somewhere near the car lot. Now the two nearly naked men, and one dickless but completely naked man, were running down the street.

“There!” Shawn yelled, spotting Captain Crunch turn the corner behind the car lot and run into the park.

Rocco let out an anguished whine, and took the lead, passing the car lot, followed by Bucky and Shawn.


Troy had stripped Quint half-naked. He turned his head just in time to see a dickless Rocco and his two buddies in their underwear run past the alley. “What the fuck?!”

“Hurry up, asshole!” he hissed, punching Quint in the nuts and making him grunt in pain.

“Not helping!” Quint coughed.

“Shut the fuck up and give me the costume!” Troy yelled hysterically.


Captain Crunch ran into the park, his meaty prey between his teeth, heading for his favorite hiding spot, a big tree in the middle of the park. He saw a pair muscular, hunky guys in their early twenties playing football in the muddy grass. Dumb humans.


Rocco was running across the park, panting, his naked body glistening with sweat. He was running fast. Bucky and Shawn were somewhere far behind him.

His dick. He had to save his dick.

If he could just get it away from Crunch, then Bucky could, well, stick it back on. Everything would be good as new. His big swinging dick would be back where it belonged.

He saw some guys playing football in the distance, and Captain Crunch running away.

Rocco doubled his speed, and began shouting. “Crunch! CRUNCH! DROP IT!”

The dog heard him, and swerved for the footballers.


Diesel was running across the field, the football in his hands. He was a big, beefy stud with dark brown hair and a three-day stubble, wearing just a pair of old shorts, socks and cleats. He and his bro, Donald, were soaked with mud and sweat, making their clothes cling to their junk.

Looking down at his very visible cock and balls, flopping around in his white shorts, Diesel wondered if he should’ve worn a cup. Or at least some underwear.

He looked up to see a huge naked man tackle an equally huge dog, right in front of him.

Diesel tumbled over the two, and all three went crashing into the mud.

Donald, a Nordic hunk with a broken nose came running up. “Bro! You okay?”

His cleated foot stepped on something in the grass, and Donald flew backward, landing on his ass, his legs spread wide apart.

Diesel got up with a groan. Who the hell was this crazy guy and the dog? And--- Hey! Where was the dog?

Donald rubbed his back, and bent forward to pick up what he’d slipped on. It looked like a big, heavy bratwurst. His cleat marks clearly visible. There was something written on it. “LIMP DICK.”

Diesel’s jaw dropped. “Dude, is that someone’s cock?”

Rocco lifted himself up from the muddy ground. “Mine,” he grunted hoarsely.

The two football players looked at Rocco, “DICKLESS” scribbled on his forehead, and a little band-aid above his huge nuts.

Diesel burst into laughter. “Oh my god, bro.”

Donald got to his feet shakily, still holding Rocco’s dick. “This is so ga---”


“AAAAAAAAAY!” Donald screamed as Captain Crunch sunk his teeth into the soft meat of the hunk’s crotch.

Diesel gasped. “What the fuck?”

“The dog! He wants my dick!” Rocco shouted.

“WHAT?!?!” Donald screamed.

“Toss the cock!” Diesel yelled.

Donald tossed Rocco’s cock into the air, and Diesel, as if by instinct, caught it. He waved it at Rocco cheerily. “Don’t worry bro, I got it.”

“It didn’t work!” Donald shouted as he fell to the ground, with Crunch still firmly clamped on his balls. “Someone get this fucking dog off my---”

Crunch’s jaws clamped shut with a sickening squelch, and Donald’s yelling turned into a long, drawn out gag.

Diesel covered his mouth with his free hand. “Oh shit, his---”

Shawn’s foot connected squarely with Diesel’s groin, driving his wet, floppy balls up into his crotch.

It was a hard kick. A really hard kick. Diesel felt his sack, prickly with stubble since he had just shaved it a few days ago, bounce up. Then, he felt both his nuts vibrate with the impact, the pain radiating like a gong, before smashing up into his crotch, grinding between his hip bone and his attackers foot. Diesel’s big, fat balls compressed, flattened, and then, when the pressure became too great, his nuts cracked.

A thick slug of cum shot from Diesels floppy dick. He looked down dumbly at his crotch. Another slug of ropey cum splashed inside his wet shorts, spattering against his aching balls. He really should have worn a cup.

“---nuts”, Diesel groaned, and fell to the ground, clutching his broken balls, as his dick continued to spurt out ropes of the thick, sticky cum that was literally just kicked out of him.

Shawn snatched the dick from Diesel’s hand and grinned. “Rocco, I got your dick!”

Bucky ran up, panting. He stopped beside Rocco. “Oh shit!”

Shawn finally noticed Crunch, and the passed out form of Donald.

Crunch lifted his head from Donald’s shredded crotch. One of the football player’s pulverized nuts dangled by its cord, from between Crunch’s teeth. The dog’s eyes locked on Rocco’s dick in Shawn’s hand.

“Shawn”, Rocco whispered.

Crunch licked his lips, and swallowed what was left of the dangling nut whole.

“Shawn?” Rocco turned to face the redhead, as something fat, and floppy smacked him in the face.

“Run, big guy!” Shawn was already running in the opposite direction.

Rocco found himself holding his dick, as Crunch burst into a run – coming straight towards him.

The dickless stud spun around and began to run. “Fuck, fuck, FUCK!” Rocco huffed.

Rocco could hear the dog right behind him. His head was spinning. Somehow, he knew that Crunch had been waiting for this day. The day he’d get Rocco’s dick and nuts. That dog... That dog was evil!
Bucky’s voice carried across the park. “Rocco, I’m open!”

Still running, Rocco craned his neck, and saw Bucky jumping up and down, his arms over his head.
“Toss me your cock!” Bucky shouted.

Rocco looked behind him, and saw Crunch in hot pursuit. The dog was so close. Rocco lobbed his dick at Bucky.

The dick went sailing through the air, and Crunch changed course.

Bucky leapt into the air, and caught Rocco’s dick. He landed in the mud, and scrambled to his feet, covered in muck. He glanced at Rocco’s dick. It was in rough shape. He looked up, and saw Crunch coming for him.

“Oh, right”, Bucky mumbled. Then he ran.


Martin shifted uncomfortably in his suit. Fuck, it was hot out. Heat like this always made him want to work out, not stand around in a dumb tux. He wiped his shaved head with the palm of his hand, and felt his beefy arms strain the tuxedo’s fabric. Maybe he’d jerk one out after the reception.

The bride and groom were cutting their cake. It was taking forever. What a stupid idea to have their wedding in this crummy park.

The groom, Nate, a slight man in his early 30s, had been Martin’s best friend since they were in high school. It only made sense that Nate would make Martin his best man. So it was a shame that Martin had already slept with the bride, Trish, last night. Nate was a terrible lay anyhow, even Trish said so. He had a tiny cock. “But a great personality,” Martin mouthed silently.

Screw personality. Personality doesn’t mean shit if your best man has a bigger dick. Martin looked around to make sure no one was watching, and tugged at his crotch, trying to hide his erection.


The wedding party’s faces were covered in cake frosting.

The groom, Nate, still holding the cake knife, wiped his eyes with the back of his arm and stared at the big, meaty missile that had landed in their cake. It looked like a big, fat dildo. A dildo far bigger than the little dick that was hanging between his thighs.

Trish looked at her bridesmaids and suppressed a giggle.

“Over here, dude! I think we lost him!”

Suddenly three men, naked, or nearly so, and filthy with mud, stumbled into the party.

The little one, who had just finished shouting, collided with the bride, as the other two barreled into Martin and Nate. The group crashed into the cake in a tangle of arms and legs.

The big one pulled himself from the mess, and searched through the ruined cake.

The little one and the redhead rolled off Nate, who found himself on top of Martin.

Martin had gone dead pale. He looked down at his crotch, where Nate had firmly planted the cake knife.

“Oh, oh, gosh.” Nate stammered. “Martin, man, I’m so sorry.”

“Guys, I got it!” The big man shouted. He stood up, holding the dismembered dick.

More than twenty pairs of eyes wandered down the big man’s hairy naked body, and stopped at his dickless crotch.

“What the fuck?” Martin croaked.

The little man scrambled to his feet. “Well, best wishes on this happy day.”

The redhead looked down at Martin’s crotch. “And sorry for your loss.”

And then they joined the big man, who was running out of the park.


Quint was darting through the back alleys, bare naked.

Troy had said they should split up to try and find Rocco. Or Rocco’s dick. It was like Scooby Doo. Split up to solve the mystery. The mystery of the missing dick.

Except Quint had just seen Scooby eat a man’s balls in the park.

It was at that point that Quint had decided that perhaps he needed a pair of pants. And maybe a gun.

He stumbled around a corner.


Rocco was running down the street, his dick in his hand. Now all he had to do was run home and let Bucky put it back where it belonged. He turned his head to see where Bucky was, and ran smack into Quint.

The two muscular naked men collided full force, causing both of them to fall to the ground. Rocco’s dick landed a couple of feet away and rolled through the dirt.

Dizzily, both Rocco and Quint sat up and stared at each other.

Simultaneously, their eyes focused on the other man’s crotch.

Quint’s big cock was limp, and the “TROY’S DICK” tattoo was in plain sight.

Quint’s eyes widened when he saw Rocco’s dickless crotch.

Their eyes met.

“Quint”, Rocco mumbled.

“Rocco”, Quint replied.

Both men’s eyes darted to Rocco’s cock.

They made a jump for it at the same time, and Quint managed to grab it and started running, raising his trophy high into the air. “Troy!” he yelled from the top of his lungs. “Troy! I got it! Troy!”

“What the fuck, dude?!” Bucky yelled, running past Rocco at full speed, sprinting after Quint.

“Why did you let him take your fucking dick?!” Shawn screamed, passing Rocco as well and running after Bucky.

Rocco sighed and started running.

They chased through the back alleys, turning left and turning right, Bucky, Shawn and Rocco running after Quint who was screaming “Troy! Troy! Troy!” like a maniac.

Finally, Bucky managed to catch up with Quint, grabbing his shoulder and making him stumble.

Quint fell down onto the sidewalk and Bucky jumped on top of him, the pothead’s knee crushing Quint’s nuts against the concrete.

Quint hollered through his gritted teeth. “Troy!”

“Hey! Shut up!” came an angry voice from one of the backyards behind the wooden fences.

Quint got up and managed to throw Bucky off his back, making him land on his ass. Quint raised his foot and stomped down hard on Bucky’s crotch. The little pothead’s eyes bulged, and he let out a hoarse cough.

Bucky retaliated with a punch to Quint’s naked balls that caused him to cup his crotch, grimacing in pain. Bucky got up and lunged at Quint who slapped his face with Rocco’s dick, making Bucky stumble backwards.

With a running start, Bucky kicked Quint’s nuts so hard that he was lifted off the ground. Quint lost his grip on Rocco’s cock.

Both Quint and Bucky watched in horror as the cock went flying over a wooden fence.

Quint glared at Bucky and jumped at him, throwing the scrawny stoner to the ground.


The sizzling sound of a bunch of juicy steaks on a barbecue grill! Tom couldn’t get enough of it. With the kids away with the wife, Tom had the backyard all to himself. Whistling happily, and wearing just his boxers, he turned the meat around. Peace and quiet. And the wonderful anticipation of a nice, juicy steak and a couple of tasty hamburgers. That was just what he needed right now. And maybe later some internet porn.

Tom admired himself in the glass of his back door. For a divorced dad, he still looked pretty hot.

Trim, dark hair, hairy chest, some nice muscles. He wiggled his hips, letting his cock and dangly balls jiggle in his boxers. Damn, his balls were getting dangly. Was he that old, or were his big, hairy nuts just telling him they needed a rest?

Suddenly, he heard yelling and screaming from the alley behind his fence.

He rolled his eyes. Why in holy hell couldn’t everybody just be quiet for a moment, and let him enjoy some quality alone time?!

“Hey! Shut up!” Tom yelled angrily.

Instead of an answer, the noise continued. Tom sighed. Wasn’t it enough that his kids kept arguing all the time?! Did he have to put up with a bunch of idiots battling it out right next to his yard?!

Tom closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

Juicy steaks.

Tasty hamburgers.


He opened his eyes again and looked at the grill.

“Oh, come on”, he mumbled, raising his eyebrows.

There was a dick on his grill.

His hands shot instinctively to his own groin, and found his big floppy dick still in his boxers.

Tom sighed in relief. At least it wasn’t his.

Tom grabbed his barbecue fork and thrust it into the sizzling cock. He held the pierced dong up, grill marks seared along one side, and squinted at it. “Limp Dick?” he murmured. “Huh.”

With a terrific crash, two men broke through Tom’s wooden fence. His eyes widened at the sight of a naked man and a man in long johns wrestling in his backyard, with the broken pieces of his fence scattered all over the grass.

“Hey!” Tom yelled. “You fucking idiots!”

The two men ignored him.

Suddenly, there were two more men in Tom’s backyard. A redhead in his tighty whities and a big, hairy, muscular dude who seemed to be lacking a very important part of his anatomy.

Tom looked at the fork with the pierced dick that he was holding in his hand.

Suddenly, Tom felt a sharp, dull pain in his crotch. He let out a groan and stared at the crazy redhead who had just kicked him in the nuts. The redhead took the fork and held it up, yelling “I got it!”.

Tom collapsed on the ground, cupping his balls. He heard the voice of his divorce lawyer, his third divorce lawyer to be exact, a hot Armenian guy. "Tom, you fuck around too much! At least do yourself a favor and get a vasectomy, before someone has you fixed like a dog."


After Troy had gotten the gorilla costume from Quint, he had tried to find Rocco, Bucky and Shawn. On his search, he had encountered two groaning football players and a shocked wedding party – but no sign of the three guys he was looking for.

Suddenly, he heard someone yelling his name.

“Quint!” Troy mumbled. That dimwit probably wanted to get his costume back. Idiot.

Then he heard him yell, “I got it!”

Troy blinked. He got what? The yelling continued: “Troy! Troy! Troy!”

Troy started running in the direction of the screams. He got closer and closer. Then the yelling stopped.

Troy ran through the back alleys. He had to be close!

He heard a loud crash from not too far away. Troy raced around the corner as fast as he could.

There! A broken fence!


“I got it!” Shawn repeated triumphantly, raising the barbecue fork with the pierced dick high up into the air. “Come on, let’s go!” He ran towards the hole in the fence only to be pushed back by what seemed to be a giant gorilla.

The gorilla kicked Shawn in the nuts, grabbed the fork with Rocco’s dick on it, and pushed Shawn back against the barbecue grill, knocking it over.

Immediately, something caught fire and the backyard was filled with thick clouds of smoke.

“Shawn!” Bucky yelled.

The gorilla, fork and dick in hand, left the backyard through the hole in the fence and started running down the alley.

Quint followed him, running as fast as he could.

“I’m okay!” Shawn coughed. “Get the fucking gorilla! The gorilla’s got the dick!”


“Troy!” Quint shouted.

Troy turned around. “What?!”

“This way!” Quint yelled and pointed at a small alley that led to a big grey building.

Troy hesitated for a second.

“I’ve got a gun!” Quint yelled.

Inside the gorilla costume, a huge smile spread on Troy’s face.


Bucky watched Quint and the gorilla disappear into the big grey building through a little black door.

A moment later, they had reached the door.

“It’s locked”, Bucky said.

“Shit. I mean, what the fuck? A gorilla?” Rocco stammered.

Bucky scratched his balls, lost in thought. “Rocco, I pretty sure that gorilla was Troy.”

Rocco stared at Bucky. “Troy? But why would he---”

“Oh fuck,” Shawn groaned. “Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck! Forget about your dick, big guy. Just forget about it. It’s history. You’ll never get it back!”

Bucky glared at Shawn.

“What?!” Shawn raised his eyebrows. “That’s the way it is. Rocco’s dick is gone for good.”

Rocco stared at his crotch. Never, not in a million years did he ever imagine something like this happening. What was he going to do now? How would he explain this at the gym showers? How would he jerk off?

Oh, fuck!


Bucky lit a joint impatiently, and walked around the corner of the building. He came back a second later. “Hey, guys, there’s a front door.”


Inside the building, Quint led Troy through a long, dimly lit corridor with doors on either side.

Troy followed him. “What is this place?”

Quint shrugged and continued walking. “I sometimes do a night shift here. This is where I keep my stuff when I’m working at the car lot.”

A woman carrying a stack of folded thongs walked past them. “Hi, cowboy,” she said in a squeaky voice. The smile on her face said that she wasn’t surprised to meet Quint in the nude.

“Hi, Pepper," Quint replied.

Pepper looked at Troy and smiled. “Who’s the ape?”

“A friend,” Quint shrugged.

 “Nice dick,” Pepper giggled, pointing at the impaled cock in Troy’s hand before disappearing into a room and closing the door behind her.

Troy took off his gorilla mask and looked at the sign on the door. “You’re working at the strip club?!” he said.

Quint grinned. “Yeah.” He opened the door to a large room that was filled with hats and costumes. “Welcome to the Wet’n’Wild Emporium.”


Rocco, Bucky and Shawn opened the front door to the strip club, and stepped inside.

A huge, gruff looking bouncer stood just inside, blocking the way. The caption on his t-shirt read, “Nothing says ‘I love you’ quite like fisting.”

The bouncer looked at the three guys over his dark sunglasses.

The dirt and mud from the park had dried on their bodies. Pieces of the wedding cake were stuck in their hair. Soot from the fire at the barbecue was all over them. Shawn’s tighty whities were filthy, and Bucky’s long-johns didn’t look any better. Rocco was covering his crotch with his hands, barely cupping his balls, while scrawled across his forehead was the still clearly legible, “DICKLESS.”

The Bouncer sighed. “Come on in.”


Quint put on his clothes, a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a pair of cowboy boots, while Troy was examining Rocco’s dick.

He was weighing the fat piece of meat in his hand. The fork was lying on the ground. It had left two small punctures above the tattoo, making it look like it said “LIMP D√úCK.”

Quint watched him for a moment. Then he looked down at his own cock that was hanging out the fly of his jeans. It was a little bit smaller and little bit thinner than Rocco’s detached tool. And the tattoos were different... Quint’s dick was labeled “TROY’S DICK.” But other than that, they looked pretty much the same.

Quint saw the look in Troy’s eyes, and quickly stuffed his junk into his jeans and zipped up. Maybe it was a good thing that Troy had Rocco’s dick to mess around with.

“What are you gonna do with it?” Quint asked, adjusting his crotch.

Troy stared at Rocco’s cock. “I’m gonna destroy it”, Troy hissed. He grabbed Rocco’s dick by the root and slammed against the wall with a dull thud.

“Cool.” Quint mumbled. He grabbed his gun and checked it. Fully loaded. Six shots. He released the safety catch and tucked it into the front of his jeans.

“Oh yeah”, Troy whispered. He looked up at Quint, his eyes beaming with excitement. “I’m gonna destroy it. And I’m gonna make him watch.”


Rocco, Bucky and Shawn were standing in front of the main stage inside the Wet’n’Wild Emporium, staring at the performer, a lean yet muscular guy with a firefighter’s helmet. The rest of the uniform had already been disposed of, and the naked dancer was concentrating on showing off his huge fire hose.

The club was packed with men of all ages, shapes and sizes, and the three guys pushed their way through, looking for Quint and Troy.

A tall, handsome, muscular man with a bushy beard walked over, and read Rocco’s forehead. “‘Dickless?" He grinned. "You looking for some cock?”

Rocco’s face brightened. "Yes! Have you seen it? It’s about this big." He spread his hands in the air to illustrate.

Bushy Beard frowned, looking down at the blank spot above Rocco’s balls. "I, er--- What?"

Bucky stepped between the two. “Listen, dude, we’re looking for a naked guy and a guy in a gorilla costume. You seen them?”

Bushy Beard raised his eyebrows. “Not judging, but that’s some kinky shit you got going on."

Shawn huffed. "The gorilla stole his dick," he pointed to Rocco, "Because we melted his balls."

Rocco blinked. "You guys did what?"

There was a pause. Bucky and Shawn both looked at Rocco, and then to each other.

Shawn scratched head. "We meant to tell you, Rocco? Troy is kinda mad at you."

Bucky smiled weakly. "At us."

Shawn patted Rocco’s shoulder. "We melted his nuts on accident... kinda."

Rocco stared at Bucky and Shawn. "You guys... melted Troy’s nuts?"

Shawn raised his finger. "On accident. Kinda." The redhead turned to Bushy Beard. "This isn’t a sex thing."

Bushy Beard shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat, firecrotch."

Shawn grimaced. "No, listen, it really isn’t, and---"

Bucky rolled his eyes. "A naked guy and a guy in a gorilla costume. Have you seen them?"

Bushy Beard shrugged. "What about a guy in a gorilla costume and a cowboy? That close enough?” He pointed at the other end of the room where Troy and Quint were just coming through a door next to the main stage.

Bucky, Rocco and Shawn craned their necks.

Troy and Quint spotted them at the same time.

Troy’s face broke into a cold smile as he raised the dick he was holding in his hand and waved it at them.

“My cock!” Rocco yelled. “There’s my cock!”

Rocco and Shawn tried to elbow their way through the Patrons.

Bucky looked at the firefighter on the main stage who winked at him, shaking his hose.

Bucky raced to the main stage and jumped up, running past the firefighter.

The audience started chanting, “Pants off! Pants off! Pants off!” as Bucky ran past them in his underwear.

Quint turned to Troy. “You think he’ll do it?”

Troy smacked the ranchhand in the chest with Rocco’s dick. “Idiot,” he growled. He looked up at Bucky, his eyes filled with hatred. “Quick, where’s the gun?”

“In my pants,” Quint mumbled.


Diesel pushed his way into the strip club. He had just seen that dickless asshole run inside. The one with the dog who ate Donald’s nuts.

His own nuts ached like mad. Diesel’s dick hadn’t stopped shooting gobs of cum for twenty minutes. The paramedics said he was lucky. His balls were only fractured or some shit. He should follow them to the hospital though, they said. Fuck that. He’d just shot his load for twenty minutes. His balls were fine.

He was going to find that dickless bastard, and rip his nuts off, and then feed them to that fucking dog, and then rip that dog’s nuts off, and feed them to the redhead, and then---

The football player scanned the room. Fuck, he’d never find those three in this crowd.
Diesel’s eyes turned to the fireman on stage. No, it couldn’t be. Was that his trainer from the gym?

Shit. That guy was hot.

Diesel felt his dick begin to stiffen.

Then Diesel spotted the little scruffy guy from the park. He was covered in all kinds of filth. And he was jumping on the stage.


Troy reached over and grabbed the gun that was lodged inside Quint’s jeans.

Quint winced. “Careful, my belt---“


Quint’s eyes widened. The noise triggered a high-pitched buzzing in his ears. Time stood still. Quint felt something tumble down inside his jeans. He felt it slide down his thigh, his knee, his shin. He looked at his feet.

A long, meaty dick fell out the leg of his jeans and rolled onto the floor.

His dick.


Quint fainted.

“Shit”, Troy mumbled, pulling the gun out of Quint’s jeans.
Troy aimed the gun at Bucky who continued running towards him, and fired three quick shots.


The bullet missed Bucky and found another target.

The firefighter’s left nut exploded.


Another miss, another piece of collateral damage

The firefighter’s right nut exploded.


The firefighter stared down at his crotch in horror as his beautiful, long hose flew across the stage, and into the crowd.

The strip club erupted into a panic as the screams of the patrons filled the air.

“Somebody call an ambulance!” Bushy Beard screamed.

Troy was knocked aside as a sea of frightened patrons tried to make their way to the exit.


Bucky skidded to a halt. Shit, Troy had a gun.

Suddenly Bucky was spun around, and came face to face with the football guy from the park. The one who still had his balls. And, it seemed, a throbbing erection.

The jock pushed Bucky, hard. “Hey! I’m gonna fuck you guys up!”

“Dude,” Bucky shouted, “you picked the worst time to go all bro-rage!’”

Bucky ducked, and pulled down the jock’s shorts as he did so. The jock’s big erection sprung forward, hard as a towel rod.


Half the jock’s dick landed in front of Bucky, as the football player toppled to the stage floor, cupping his junk. Bucky and the jock both stared at the big piece of dick before them.


The demi-dick was spattered across the stage in a chunky spray.

The jock’s eyes met Bucky’s, with a look of disbelief.

Bucky shrugged. “No pants on the stage, dude.”


In the chaos, Troy had missed Bucky again.


No bullets left.

“Shit,” Troy hissed. He looked up, and saw Bucky leaping from the stage, right at him.

Bucky headbutted Troy, sending the gorilla suited man careening backward, as Rocco’s dick flew from his hand. Troy fell into the crowd, and Rocco’s dick fell with him.

Bucky crashed to the club floor, and tried to stand up, but the tiny man was shoved to the ground by the fleeing patrons. To avoid being trampled to death, Bucky crawled under the stage.

Bucky scanned the club floor for Rocco’s dick. It seemed hopeless. How was he going to find any---

Suddenly not one, not two, but three dismembered cocks rolled into view, as they were kicked around the club floor.

Bucky scratched his head.

“Okay, so we’ve got three cocks”, he mumbled slowly. “Dude, I hope I’ll never have to tell this story to anyone – because from a narrative standpoint, it’s gotten really complicated.”

Bucky tried keeping track of the three detached dicks while they were getting kicked around, stepped on and stomped on by the masses that were trying to make it to the exit.

Suddenly, they were gone.

“Fuck”, Bucky mumbled.

Where was Rocco’s cock?

Bucky left his hiding place and stood up. He saw Shawn standing on top of the bar.

“Bucky! I got it! I got it!” Shawn shouted, waving the dick in the air, as he pointed to the exit.

Bucky grinned, and moved with the surging crowd while Shawn climbed down from the bar.

Outside, he found Shawn waiting in the street.

“I got it!” Shawn yelled.

Bucky clasped his hands together.

“Shit, that’s great dude. Now all we gotta do is find Rocco and stitch it back onto him.” Bucky looked at the dick and read the tattoo. “TROY’S DICK.” He looked up. “Dude. That’s the wrong fucking dick.”


Officer Leroy Williams and his partner Frank parked the police car in front of the strip club and went in.

The handsome 30 year old man ran his hand through his short black hair. What a day.

First, they had been called to the park. Two young men had been assaulted by a bunch of thugs and a rabid dog. Result: one case of severe testicular trauma, one scrotum DOA.

From the accounts of the victims, the perps had been naked and screaming mad. Reportedly, one of them was missing his penis.

Then, they had been called to a wedding party. Once again, the victims had reported a brutal assault by naked men. No dog this time. But the man without a penis was mentioned by several witnesses. Result: several witnesses in a state of shock, another scrotum DOA. Fortunately, the scrotum in question had not been the groom’s. His best man had received a very ugly knife wound that had sliced his testicles clean off.

As soon as they left the crime scene another call came in: Violent assault and arson. An unsuspecting father of three had been attacked by a group of four men and a gorilla. No dead scrotums this time. But the man without the penis had been sighted again.

The tally so far: four testicles destroyed. The perps missing, one of them reportedly without a penis.

When Officer Leroy Williams and his partner Frank left the club, the tally had changed: two more testicles destroyed, several more severely injured, two penises destroyed.

Officer Williams watched as the first victim was rushed into an ambulance. That was the stripper. Poor guy. A paramedic was carrying what was left of his penis in a plastic bag. It had been trampled beyond recognition by the crowd. What remained of his testicles, however, wouldn’t even fill a plastic bag.

He looked at his partner. “Frank, you go with him and take his witness statement?”

The ambulance departed.

The second victim was brought into a second ambulance. Another stripper. A scruffy blond guy with cowboy boots. No plastic bag for him. His penis had not been found at the scene.

The third victim--- What the hell? He was one of the first assault victims from the park. The football player. Somehow he had gotten to the club, lost his shorts – and then lost half his penis. Apparently, it was smeared across the stage floor.

Well, half a penis is better than no penis.

Officer Williams climbed into the ambulance with the cowboy stripper. What a day.


Troy was running down the street in his gorilla costume, Rocco’s dick in his hand.

“Idiot, idiot, idiot!” he grumbled. That idiot Quint. What a moron. Why hadn’t he brought additional ammo?! Another six bullets and it would have been a done deal. Now what did he achieve? Nothing.

He looked at the dick in his hand, and turned a corner.

Well, not nothing. He still had Rocco’s cock. Now he could---


Troy ran headfirst into Rocco, sending both men tumbling to the ground.


Rocco was splayed out on the sidewalk, flat on his back. He shook his head, trying to clear the ringing in his ears. The sounds of traffic became louder. He heard a car approach.


Rocco sat up, and looked to the busy street.

Another car whizzed by.


Rocco’s gaze fell on his cock, lying in the middle of the street, tread marks running down its severely flattened mid-section.

“My cock!” Rocco shouted.


An eighteen wheeler sped by in a blur.


“My cock!” Rocco screamed from the top of his lungs.

He raced into the middle of the street to where his dick had been flattened into the warm asphalt. Kneeling over, he peeled it gingerly from the street. It was pretty flat, and covered in dark tire treads... Maybe it was still okay though.

Brakes screeched behind Rocco, and he spun around to see a motorcycle come to a skidding halt, almost running him over. Rocco fell on his ass, clutching his flattened dick, and stared up at the biker.

The biker was wearing a black leather jacket covered with various sewed-on badges. He stepped off his motorcycle and removed his helmet, rubbing his short blond hair.

“You?!” Trip said incredulously.

Rocco smiled. “Hey! Three nuts!”

Trip shot Rocco a dark glare. Then he noticed the writing on Rocco’s forehead.

“Dickless?” Trip mumbled. He looked down to the badly beaten cock in Rocco’s hand, and then further down to the little band aid resting above Rocco’s big hairy balls. Trip felt his dick give a little jerk, and his hand moved down to adjust his package. “What the fuck is up with you guys?”

Waving his dick casually, Rocco shrugged. “Don’t worry about it, this is sort of usual for us.”

Trip adjusted his crotch. “Seems like. No thanks to you fuckers, I’m down two nuts.”

“It’s a pattern with these guys,” a menacing voice from behind Trip hissed.

Troy kicked the biker from behind, square in the crotch. Trip’s third (and last) nut collided painfully with the thick metal cock-ring he was wearing. He’d bought it on a whim from the gear shop, thinking it would help fill out his package. His remaining nut was smashed flat between his cock-ring and Troy’s foot with such force that the young biker felt the ring slip off and rattle down his jeans.


The cock-ring fell out of Trip’s pants-leg, and rolled down the street.

Trip crumbled to the ground, groaning through his clenched jaw. His last nut. His god damned last nut!

Troy spun around, and grabbed at what was left of the floppy dick in Rocco’s hands.

“Hey!” Rocco shouted, and got up on one knee, tugging back.

Troy swung his foot into Rocco’s nuts, driving them into his body, and lifting him off the ground.

Rocco’s vision blurred as bright, sparkly stars appeared before his eyes. He let go of his dick, and gagged, cupping his balls.

Dick in hand, Troy climbed onto Trip’s motorcycle and revved up.


A second later, Bucky and Shawn arrived, breathing heavily.

“Rocco, dude, thank God you’re okay”, Bucky said, panting. “Where’s your cock?”

Wordlessly, Rocco pointed at the motorcycle speeding down the street.

Shawn groaned.

“Fuck”, Bucky mumbled.

His eyes fell onto Trip who was lying on the ground, cupping his crotch. “How’s it going, dude?” Bucky said with a smile, sheepishly scratching his head.

Trip looked up, his face contorted in pain. “Oh... you know.” he croaked.

Shawn chuckled and put his hands on his hips. “Gotta be careful, empty-sack, you don’t have a nut to sp-”

Trip’s fist shot up, connecting with Shawn’s big balls inside his underwear.

Shawn dropped like a sack of spuds, coughing and groaning in pain. “Fucking dickhead.”

“Dude, you got that coming”, Bucky chuckled. Then he grew serious again as he looked down the street, and watched Troy on the motorcycle turn around a corner. “How on earth are we going to catch him now?”

Suddenly, a car stopped next to them.

The window rolled down. “Rocco?!”

Rocco peered into the car. “Chad?”

The 30 year old cameraman couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Rocco, Bucky and Shawn were practically naked, and standing in the middle of the street. Well, Rocco was just naked – except his dick was notably absent. Chad stared at Rocco’s dickless crotch, and his two massive, hairy nuts. “What the fuck happened to you?”

“Long story,” Rocco mumbled. “Listen, can you give us a ride?”

“To... where?” Chad shifted uncomfortably in his seat. His dick had suddenly sprung to life, and was straining painfully against his jeans. Rocco’s crotch was exactly at window level with Chad’s car. The big lug stood up, and Rocco’s nuts swung like two hairy apples in front of Chad’s face.

“Thanks man!” Rocco ran around the front of the car, and opened the door to the passenger seat. “Hurry up guys! Chad’s gonna give us a lift!”

Bucky and Shawn piled into the backseat. Shawn reached out to close the car door, but Trip blocked the way.

“Hey, what about me? That guy has my bike!” Trip yelled, gripping the car door.

“You lie down for a bit,” Shawn grunted, ramming his foot into Trip’s crotch. “And get some rest.”

Trip’s eyes lost focus and his knees turned inward. A guttural groan escaped his lips as his hands found his crotch and cupped his one big nut.

Shawn closed the door, a smile on his face.

Bucky pulled a DVD case out from under his ass. He looked around, there were DVDs all over the backseat.

Chad glanced over his shoulder, and grinned. “Oh, sorry, work stuff.”


The street was clogged with construction traffic. Cars were honking and people were shouting in the hot summer sun. Officer Leroy Williams stared at the line of cars in front of him. What a day.

Officially, his shift had ended ten minutes ago. Now he was stuck in traffic in an ambulance, sitting next to a dopey driver who refused to use the siren out of principle. In the back of the car, the cowboy stripper was being treated. His penis hadn’t shown up yet, so they had closed the wound in his groin for the time being.

Officer Williams slowly shook his head. Poor guy.

The sound of a motorcycle shook Williams from his thoughts. The bike pulled up beside the ambulance, and then weaved in front of it. The rider appeared to be a... gorilla?

The gorilla rode the bike up onto the sidewalk, and ditched it there- running toward a construction site.

Williams tapped the driver on the shoulder. “Did you---”

Three men ran past the ambulance, one of them naked, two in their underwear.

Officer Williams’ eyes widened. A small guy in underwear. A redhead in underwear. A big, bulky, hairy guy without a---

“Penis!” Officer Williams screamed. “Penis! Penis! Penis!”


Quint furrowed his brow. He was naked, resting on a gurney in the back of the ambulance.

He lifted his head slightly, looking down at his crotch.

Yep. His dick was still gone.

The bored looking EMT lifted his gaze from his book, and glanced at Quint’s crotch. He shrugged, and went back to reading.

“Hey”, Quint mumbled.

The EMT sighed, and closed his book.

Quint turned his head to look at the EMT. “Do I get to keep my balls?”

The EMT blinked. “What?”

Quint frowned, and gestured to his crotch. “You know. What if a scientist wants them?”

The EMT sighed again, set his book down, and turned up the dial on Quint’s pain medication.

A sea of color washed over Quint, and the ambulance interior faded away to a warm, bright light.

From far, far away, he heard someone scream, “Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis!”

Then, Quint very clearly heard Troy shout, “I’ll destroy this cock right here and now!”


Troy was standing in the middle of the construction site, watching Rocco, Bucky and Shawn race towards him. “Stop right there!” he screamed.

The three guys didn’t show the slightest inclination to slow down.

“I said stop, assholes!” Troy yelled. “Or I’ll destroy this cock right here and now!”

“No!” Rocco stopped dead in his tracks, causing Shawn and Bucky to run into him, bounce of his muscular body and fall to the ground.

“I’m not kidding, assholes!” Troy screamed. He was standing next to a rusty barrel of boiling tar, several feet away from Rocco and his buddies. He let Rocco’s meaty dick dangle above the barrel.

Rocco threw his arms up in exasperation.

Bucky got up, and placed a hand on Rocco’s shoulder. The scruffy stoner raised Quint’s dick high into the air. “Troy! How about we make a trade?”

Troy stared at him.

“Rocco’s dick for Quint’s dick,” Bucky shouted.

Troy’s eyes narrowed. “Can’t you read? It’s not Quint’s dick, it’s my dick!”

“And you’ll get it back to do whatever you want with it, dude!” Bucky waved Quint’s cock at Troy. “As long as you give Rocco’s cock back to us.” He paused. “Deal?”

Troy looked at them. His face broke into a huge smile.

“Deal?” Bucky repeated.

Troy’s smile grew wider and wider.

Suddenly, Bucky was tackled from behind by a dizzy yet forceful Quint. Letting out a surprised yelp, Bucky toppled backwards onto a knee high stack of plywood.

“No deal!” Troy screamed, laughing manically. He turned and fled deeper into the construction site.

“God damn it Troy! Gimme my cock!” Rocco yelled, and ran after the deranged man in the gorilla suit.

Bucky and Quint were wrestling on the stacked plywood. Bucky rolled Quint onto his back, and smacked ranch-hand in the face with his own dick. The force of the smack knocked Quint’s head back against stack of wood.

Quint lifted his knee swiftly into Bucky’s crotch, smashing his fuzzy balls with a wet thud. Bucky felt his balls bang into each other, and then grind painfully into his hip. He let out a wheeze as he toppled backwards, smacking his head, hard, on the ground.

Bucky’s body went limp.

Quint rubbed the back of his head, and sat up on the plywood stack, spreading his legs. He felt pretty dizzy. Maybe he shouldn’t have ripped those IVs out so quickly.

A shadow fell over the ranch-hand. It was Shawn, holding something large.

The redhead grinned. “I’ve always wanted to try one of these.”

Shawn shoved the industrial nail gun between Quint’s legs.



Troy heard an agonized howl behind him as he disappeared into an unfinished building at the edge of the construction site.

He knew his way around the building from his work as a security officer. Taking two steps at once, Troy hurried up the stairs. The gorilla costume was hot as hell. By the time he had reached the top floor, he was panting heavily.

He looked down.

Rocco was close behind.






Shawn plowed nail after nail into Quints nuts, alternating between the left one and the right one. After just a couple seconds of work, Quint’s big hairy bull nuts were pierced half a dozen times each - nailed to the stack of plywood Quint was sitting on.

Quint reached out to grapple with Shawn, but Shawn just swung the nail gun up, and clocked Quint on the chin, knocking the blond ranch-hand onto his back. As he did so, his butt lifted of the stack, and tugged on his balls painfully. Quint let out a surprised grunt, and looked over his chest at his crotch.

He was stuck here.

Shawn let out a long whistle, and cocked his head. “Now, how many nails can we get in there, before there’s no more room?”

Quint looked down at his balls, his face contorted in pain. Interesting question.


Troy ran to the end of the floor. The windows hadn’t been put in yet, and the wind was blowing through the building.

He looked around. The building hadn’t changed much since the security firm had sacked him. And you could always trust the workers to leave their stuff unlocked and accessible.

Troy rooted around the equipment cabinet until he found what he was looking for. It was perfect.

“Troy man, c’mon! Give me my cock!” Rocco had climbed the last couple of steps. He was standing at the other end of the floor.

Troy grinned and casually lifted the blow-torch. He held it just a few inches from Rocco’s cock.

Rocco stopped dead in his tracks. “Okay. Troy. Jeeze. Let’s not do anything crazy.”

“I could burn your fucking cock right here, turn it into a big fucking piece of charcoal”, Troy said casually, bringing Rocco’s dick closer to the flame.

“No!” Rocco yelled, taking a step forward.

“Stay where you are!” Troy hissed, holding Rocco’s dick directly into the flame.

“No, no, no!” Rocco pleaded. “I need that!”

Troy pulled Rocco’s dick back again. “Maybe there’s a way for you to get it back…”

He kicked something across the floor toward Rocco. It was a rubber mallet.



Quint roared in pain.

Shawn looked at Quint’s ballsack.

“That’s thirteen nails in each nut”, Shawn said, chuckling. “Impressive.”

Quint stared at his skewered nuts. Shawn was right. That was impressive.

“Wanna try one more?” Shawn grinned.

Quint blinked. The pain was almost unbearable. There were probably more nails in his nuts than... nuts. Would fourteen nails in each nut hurt more than thirteen nails in each nut? Probably. Could he stand more pain? Probably not. “N---“



Rocco was kneeling on the ground, staring at the rubber hammer in his hand. His balls were resting on a stack of cinderblocks.

“You want your cock. Prove it.” Troy hissed.

Rocco scratched his head. “You mean, you want me to...” Rocco looked down at his big furry balls. “...bust my nuts?” Rocco looked up at Troy.

“Show me how badly you want this back.” Troy brought Rocco’s dick closer to the blow torch. “Bash your balls, until I believe you really want this dick.”

Rocco rolled his shoulders, and laughed nervously. “But Troy, man, I need my nuts if I get my dick back. Once I get patched up, I’ll need them for sex and shit, you know?”

Troy’s eyes darted from the idiot kneeling a few feet away from him – the idiot with “dickless” written on his forehead – to the huge, mangled cock he was holding next to the blow torch. Rocco, that big, dumb, hairy stud. All those muscles. Those huge balls. Troy wondered what it must be like to be that stupid.

Troy shoved Rocco’s dick into the blow torch flame. The tattoo “limp dick” began to char and blacken.

“Prove it.” Troy ordered.



Quint grunted in pain. One thing was certain: Fourteen nails per nut hurt a lot more than thirteen. Fifteen hurt even more. And sixteen were almost unbearable.

Quint’s eyes darted to his cock. It was lying on the ground a couple of feet away. It must have rolled from Bucky’s hand when he crashed to the ground.


Quint grunted. Bucky had been out for a while. Shouldn’t Shawn check on Bucky? The ranch-hand lifted his head wearily, and looked down at his cock once more.

Shawn followed Quint’s gaze and his face lit up. “Oh, right!” he laughed. “Your dick!”

The redhead turned around, his ass facing Quint, and bent down.

Quint kicked his leg up as hard as he could- connecting with Shawn’s fat balls. There was an audible wet, CRUNCH, like celery breaking.

Shawn went careening forward. “Oh fuck!” he gurgled.

And smashed the top of his head into a metal post.

Shawn was out cold.

Quint looked around. Where the hell was everyone else?

He cocked his head. And what was that god damned noise?





Again and again, Rocco smacked his balls with the rubber hammer.

“Harder!” Troy screamed, watching Rocco with excitement.

With every blow, Troy imagined Rocco’s big meaty nuts slowly breaking down. The millions of tightly coiled tubes that made up Rocco’s balls- irreparably damaged. The thick veiny membranes that contained them, ruptured, spilling their chunky contents inside his hairy sack.

Troy felt a stirring in his crotch, and looked down in surprise. He hadn’t gotten a boner in a while since he lost his balls. He figured he never would again... and yet, here it was.

He unzipped the fly to the gorilla costume, and let his dick flop out. There was indeed something very special about today.




Rocco pounded his balls with all the force he could muster. He looked down at the two lumpy orbs inside his hairy nutsack, and watched them flatten under the rubber hammer. He was clenching his teeth, grunting and groaning with every hit.

If he could only hold out until Shawn and Bucky arrived. They must be looking for him.

“C’mon, Rocco! Those big stud nuts of yours can take more than that!” Troy clanged the blow-torch on the workbench next to him. “Show me what you got!”

Rocco grunted, and doubled his efforts. With every blow, he felt his nuts jiggle just a little more. With every blow, he swore he could hear them crunch, just a little louder. He hoped Shawn and Bucky would get there soon. Rocco wasn’t sure how much more his nuts could take.





Bucky opened his eyes and groaned. He rubbed his head and squinted into the sunlight. Where was he? Images flashed through his head. Kitchen. Park. Football guys. Wedding. Cake. BBQ. Gorilla...

Shit, his balls hurt. He rubbed them through his long-johns.

“Damn”, Bucky hissed.

Okay. Strip Club.... Fire hose. Gun fight. Trip. Chad. Rocco. Troy!

Bucky jumped up. “Where the fuck are Rocco and Troy?” he yelled.





Rocco paused. That wasn’t a good noise. He grimaced. It certainly didn’t feel good. His nuts we getting kind of sloppy, and less... firm.

He swung the hammer down again, experimentally on his right nut.


Rocco gagged slightly. The pain was a constant throbbing at this point. He looked up at Troy, and gestured to his now misshapen balls.

Troy shook his head, and waved Rocco’s dick over the flame. “Rocco, we both know your nuts are way tougher than that. You’re barely hitting them.”

Rocco sighed, looking down at his nuts. “Troy... I dunno. My nuts-”

Troy cleared his throat, and shoved Rocco’s dick back into the torch’s flame. There was a whiff of burnt  bacon in the air.

Rocco inhaled sharply through his teeth, and raised the hammer again. Where the FUCK were Bucky and Shawn?






Troy sneered, and idly stroked his dick. After Rocco had turned his balls into paste, Troy was going to burn that dumb stud’s cock anyway. Burn it! Burn it right to a crinkly crisp. Until there was nothing left!

Rocco raised his hand and let the hammer slam down onto his nuts.


Rocco’s balls flattened under the weight of the rubber hammer and he let out an anguished grunt.


Troy’s manic laugh echoed through the empty floor. It mixed with the sound of the wind blowing through the building, and the agonized grunts and groans that came from Rocco’s mouth as he slammed the hammer down on his big, fat balls, again and again.






Captain Crunch had been searching for his masters all over town. The big black Rottweiler was hungry. The footballer’s testicles had been a nice snack. But now he was looking for a whole meal. Something big...

He trotted past the traffic jam and the honking cars, passed the ambulance where a cop and a paramedic were getting treated for head wounds, and entered the construction site.

Then he spotted it. Right there. God was a dog!


Bucky stopped running. He looked over his shoulder, and saw Shawn limping behind him. They were deep in the half-finished building, but couldn’t find Rocco anywhere.

They were following a most distressing noise.




“Shit, dude, where are they?” Bucky mumbled.

Shawn groaned. “I don’t know man, but you gotta take another look at my balls. I think Quint broke them.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Dude, I told BOTH of you, you’ll both be fine. Balls are pretty resilient.”


Quint’s balls felt like they were going to rip apart. His sack was stretched to its limit, and he was leaning forward as far as his nailed down nuts would allow.

And he still couldn’t reach his dick.

He sat back down on the plywood stack with a huff, careful not to sit on his nuts. Again.

Bucky and Shawn had run off, leaving him stuck to the plywood. They hadn’t even given him his dick back. It was just lying there on the ground. Just out of reach.

Quint cracked his neck, and made ready for another try.

That’s when the nut eating dog trotted into the construction yard. It was coming, right for him.

Quint sat very still, and closed his thighs, as best he could.

The huge black dog came up and sniffed Quint.

“Hey there... Mister... Dog.” Quint tried not to smile. Not to move. A bead of sweat ran down his forehead.

The dog sneezed, and turned away.

“Good... dog.” Quint whispered.

The dog trotted right up to Quint’s dick.

Quint leapt painfully to his feet, stretching his nuts to their limit. “NO! OH COME ON! COME ON!”

The dog sniffed Quint’s dick. He licked it a couple times, before delicately picking it up in his mouth. He looked directly at Quint, wagging his stubby little tail.

“Oh. Okay”, Quint whispered, calming down. “Just--- Just bring it here.”

The dog tossed his head back, and threw the dick high into the air.

Quint’s watched his dick go up, and then fall back down. Down into the dog’s wide open mouth.

The jaws clamped shut, and the dog swallowed Quint’s dick, whole.


Shawn and Bucky arrived at the top floor of the building, panting heavily.




They peered around the corner of the stairwell.

“Oh shit.” Bucky whispered.

At the far end of the floor, they spotted Rocco, kneeled before a stack of cinder-blocks swinging a hammer at his balls.

Troy, still in his gorilla costume, was watching dickless Rocco smash his nuts to paste. And if it could be believed, nutless Troy was sporting a pretty decent boner.

Bucky scanned the rest of the room, his eyes falling on a large, boxy object near Troy.

“Dude,” Bucky whispered, turning back to Shawn. “I’ve got a plan. I’m going to go down a floor, and come up on the other side. Count to ten, and then make a distraction. Okay?”

Shawn grabbed Bucky’s hand. “Wait. What kind of distraction?”

Bucky patted Shawn on the shoulder. “Just be yourself, dude.”

Once Bucky had crept back down the stairwell, Shawn counted ten testicle crushing SPLATS, before stepping out into the open.


Rocco swung the hammer down, grunting as the rubber mallet crushed his right nut. Again.

SPLAT! Fifteen minutes ago, his balls had been big, round, and firm.

SPLAT! Ten minutes ago, his balls had begun to swell painfully from the hammering he was giving them.

SPLAT! Five minutes ago, his balls had really begun to give up the battle.

SPLAT! Now, he was pretty sure they were getting ready to break into lumpy chunks inside his sack.


SPLAT! Minute.


“Hey! Rocco! Stop touching yourself!” Shawn shouted.


Rocco looked up, his face a mask of pain. “Jesus, Shawn”, he panted. “Where the fuck have you been?”

Shawn grinned. “Sorry big guy, I got carried away with something.”

The musclebound stud let the hammer drop from his hand, and shifted his bruised sack off the cinder-blocks. It swung painfully between his legs, sloshing like a hairy bag of mashed potatoes. He rolled his sack between his thick fingers and grimaced. His balls weren't mush... but they weren't exactly whole either. Rocco hefted the lumpy contents in his hand, waving them at Shawn. “You couldn't have gotten here, like, five minutes earlier?”

Shawn whistled. “Wow. You did that? Or did your friend help?” Shawn waived at Troy. “Hey Troy! You still all cut and ripped without your balls, or is your sixpack getting flabby along with your dick?”

“You!” Troy screamed, staring at Shawn. “Stay where you are or I’ll turn his dick into charcoal! I’m serious! Look!” He raised his hand, holding a lit blow-torch. In the other, he was waving Rocco’s dick.

Shawn squinted. That was Rocco’s dick? It looked like a dirty, odd-shaped piece of meat. Maybe they should just give up on that one. They had Quint’s dick downstairs after all. They could lie to the paramedics. It would be easy. Really easy.

“Easy.” Shawn mumbled to himself, and rubbed his crotch. His stubby dick was standing at full attention.

“What!?!” Troy barked.

Suddenly, Bucky appeared behind Troy. The pothead was holding something in his hands, and threw a powerful kick between Troy’s legs. “Drop the dick, dude!” he hollered.

Troy spun around, a look of pure madness on his face. “How can you guys not remember?!?! No---”

Bucky let the jumper clamps he was holding snap painfully shut on Troy’s erect cock.

“---NUTS!” Troy screeched. His eyes shot down to his dick, bitten by the heavy metal clamps. He followed the cables running from the clamps, to the electric generator next to the workbench. Finally, he saw Bucky standing next to the big, red switch on the generator.

Bucky brought his hand up to the switch, and locked his eyes with Troy. “Dude, you’re such an asshole.”

Troy’s eyes widened. “Fuck-”

Bucky flipped the switch.


Sparks shot from Troy’s crotch like a fireworks display. Every muscle in his body tensed, and he held Rocco’s dick aloft, like an Olympic torch.

The generator shrieked and sizzled- and then blew a fuze. Black smoke erupted from its inner workings.

The room went silent.

The air smelled awful- like burnt plastic.

Troy stood stock still. The hair on his costume was puffed out in a frazzled mess. His clenched fist spasmed, and Rocco’s cock dropped to the floor with a “THUD,” smoking slightly.

Very slowly, all eyes fell on Troy’s crotch.

The jumper cables were still clamped to what was left of Troy’s charred cock- which was now little more than a skinny, burnt twig. The metal clamps looked ridiculously large... and heavy.

Rocco squinted from where he was kneeling. “Is my dick okay? Can anyone tell?”


Troy’s dick broke off at the root, and fell to the floor, where it smashed into a pile of crumbly ash.

No balls. No dick. Troy stared at his crotch. He’d lost everything. He let out a whimper and stumbled backwards against the workbench. He felt the heat of the blow-torch.

“Um, dude?” Bucky said. “I think your ass is on fire.”

The gorilla suit went up in flames.

“Holy shit!” Shawn gasped.

Troy screamed incoherently, waving his arms. He ran toward Bucky, who stepped aside nimbly, and Troy went sailing out an open window.


Officer Leroy Williams groaned. His head was aching.

What a day.

He’d just called for back-up. Enough scrotums had suffered today. He was not going to confront the crazy naked people alone.

In the distance, he heard sirens wailing.

He looked up to see a burning gorilla fall from the unfinished building in front of him.

He rubbed his eyes.

What a day.


Some days later.

Over the gentle sounds of the hospital room, Bucky’s voice drifted into Rocco’s ear.

“Rocco... Dude, you awake?” Bucky whispered.

Rocco opened his eyes, blinking in the dim light. He was in a hospital bed. Bucky was seated next to him on the right side, by the door. On his other side, a blue curtain was drawn, separating him from his neighbor in the next bed.

“Hey Bucky,” Rocco mumbled.

“Dude,” Bucky patted Rocco’s shoulder. “I know you don’t like hospitals, but my older brother, Brad, is your doctor. He’s awesome.”

Rocco nodded sleepily. “Brad. Awesome.”

A large handsome man stepped forward, perhaps a year or two older than Bucky. He looked a bit like his younger brother, maybe if Bucky had been a surfer in another life. Brad was taller, broader, and, just like his brother, a bit stoned.

Brad shook Rocco’s hand. “Rocco, man, so awesome to see you here, dude.”

Rocco smiled weakly. “Sure, you too.”

Brad smiled and dropped Rocco’s hand. “I got to tell you, it has been mad crazy here. Dick and balls all over the place.” Brad rolled his eyes. “So gross!”

Rocco raised his eyebrows. “Oh yeah?”

Brad scrunched his face up. “Yeah dude. Some nasty shit. Dudes are going home nutless!”

Bucky cleared his throat. “Brad?”

“Oh, right.” Brad checked Rocco’s clipboard. “Rocco, dude, you lost your dick, bro.”

Rocco sat up with a start. “What?!?!”

Bucky grabbed Rocco’s shoulder, and Brad put his finger to his lips.

“Shhhh. Dude. No worries man. No worries. Your dick is totes safe.” Brad smiled.

Rocco sat back down with a sigh. “Oh... okay.”

Brad’s face grew serious. “Now, Rocco, you have to listen, man. You came here in pretty rough shape. You got some busted nuts. I was all like, ‘Oh shit, those spuds have to go,’ but Bucky was all like, ‘No dude, do your job.’ So I was like,” Brad shrugged his big shoulders. “‘Okay.’ And it turned out to be totally cool. Nuts are so awesome dude.”

Brad grabbed his own crotch to demonstrate, outlining his half hard dick through his thin scrubs.

Bucky tapped his foot.

“Right. Right.” Brad grew serious again. “So, Rocco, your dick, dude. It says on your chart it was fuckin’ cooked in a microwave, bit by a dog, stepped on by cleats, tossed on a grill, trampled, run over by cars, burnt by a blow torch, and electrified.” Brad bent down and spoke directly to Rocco’s crotch. “You’ve been through hell, dude!”

Rocco furrowed his brow, looking down at the lump his crotch made under the bed sheets. His mouth had gone dry. Bucky took his hand, and squeezed it.

“Your dick was garbage, dude!” Brad crossed his big beefy arms. “But I’m like mad skilled at the surgery, so I was all up in its face saying, ‘Fuck you, Rocco’s dick! Fuck you!’” Brad was shouting at Rocco’s crotch again.

Rocco sat motionless. “What... what did you do?”

“I fuckin’ stuck it back on, dude! Your dick is tight!” Brad grabbed his crotch again, this time his beercan dick was clearly hard. “Check it.”

Rocco stared at Brad, then at Bucky, and then again at the lump under his sheets. He began to lift the covers hesitantly. Brad stepped over and placed his hand on Rocco’s.

“Now, bro, you gotta understand. I’m pretty awesome, but your dick was fucked up. Fucked. Up.” Brad paused, looking at Rocco’s crotch, before continuing. “I noticed a lot of nerve damage from that rad tattoo. I bet your dick has been all floppy and shit.”

Rocco nodded his head.

Brad patted Rocco’s thigh. “Yeah, whoever gave you that tattoo fucked you up. Probably didn’t even know it. But I dug in there and rewired you.” Brad looked around the room, and then whispered. “Dude, I put some Viagra in your IV, so don’t be surprised if you got a chubby down there. Don’t worry. I’m, like, on V all the time. It’s fuckin’ sweet!”

Brad took a step back, his scrubs clearly tented now.

Rocco frowned, and lifted his sheets.


Bucky gasped.

Rocco’s cock sprung upwards, and smacked his belly, before swinging back towards the ceiling, jutting straight up from his crotch like a ship’s mast.

“HAH!” Rocco barked out a laugh. “FUCK! IT’S BEAUTIFUL!”

Brad grabbed his crotch. “I told you, I’m the SHIT!”

Rocco, beaming, took in every inch of his dick. Sure it was taped up with gauze, and had a catheter sticking out of it... but damn, there it was. It was his dick, and it was beautiful.

Bucky cheered. “I told you Brad was awesome!”

Rocco broke out into laughter, pointing at his dick.

“Hey!” came a voice from behind the curtain.

Rocco stopped laughing. “Shawn?”

The curtain pulled back.

Shawn was in the bed next to Rocco, a wide smile on his face.

“Looking good ‘Limp Dick’!” Shawn raised a thumb in the air.

Rocco raised his arms in the air, smiling. "Shawn! This is so freakin’ awesome!"

Brad clapped his hands together. “Dude, you’re awake!” The doofy doctor turned to Bucky and Rocco. “It’s like, so crazy that both of you had dick surgery.”

Bucky frowned. “What?”

Shawn chuckled. “Yeah, so crazy.”

The redhead lifted his sheets with a flourish. Bucky’s mouth fell open, and Rocco, confused,  followed his gaze to Shawn’s crotch.

Flopped over Shawn’s ginger nuts, was a long, flaccid cock, much larger than Shawn’s had ever been. Along one side was a tattoo.

“Troy’s Dick.” Rocco murmured.

Bucky stood up. “Dude, you took Quint’s---”

“SO CRAZY!” Shawn shouted over Bucky.

Bucky closed his mouth, and glared.

Shawn covered himself back up. “Like I was saying. It was all just so crazy. I’m sure NO ONE can fully remember what happened... I’m not even sure who cut my dick off---”

Brad grabbed his dick and grimaced. “Shit dude, I’d want to forget too!”

Shawn nodded gravely. “Yes, dude. I was just lucky enough to find Captain Crunch in time to save his life. He was choking, and after I pried his jaws open, and reached down his throat – there was my dick! He must have found it, and eaten it. Poor guy. My dick was just too big to swallow.”

Brad slapped his knee and snorted. “Fucked up!”

Bucky stared at Shawn from across the room. “Yes, it sure is, dude.”

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