The Incredible Spider-Men: Bumpy flight

Sorry for he long wait, and thank you so much for your awesome plot suggestions! I have been brooding over them for the past weeks and months, and I realized that I can’t possibly come up with a plot that will make everybody happy. But doing nothing will make nobody happy. So damn you, procrastination! Here is your Special Guest Star story - part 1.

Tom Holland looked into the mirror, a serious expression on his handsome face. He hadn’t expected that it would come to this. Nobody had told him. It was too bizarre to be true. And yet, here he was, wearing the Spider-Man suit on his naked skin. He felt vulnerable and exposed.

During last year’s shooting of “Spider-Man: Homecoming”, his suit had been anatomically adjusted to ensure a PG-13 rating. Ever since the Nipplegate Scandal that surrounded George Clooney’s Batman performance, the studios were very strict about showing certain parts of the male anatomy. Tom had worn a cup during most scenes to avoid showing the outline of his dick and balls.

But this wasn’t the movies, and there was no prude rating agency that turned a blind eye to violence but objected to nipples.

There was just a world outside that needed a hero. It needed Tom. Spider-Man.

“To infinity and beyond!” Tom said. His eyes narrowed. “Wait, that’s a different movie.”

***

Andrew Garfield adjusted his crotch. Something wasn’t right about the suit. Maybe it wasn’t his suit but his junk. Yesterday’s fight against the Green Goblin had ended in defeat after that bastard had knocked him in the knackers with his glider, and Andrew still felt the echoes of the pain in his testicles. They were a little swollen, and they looked a little obscene in his skintight suit.

He had been working as a superhero for a couple of years now, and he had been quite effective. Spider-Man had a good reputation amongst villains, and Andrew was able to avoid violence most of the time. The Green Goblin was a different matter, though. That one was personal. He always went for the nuts, as if he was trying to neuter Spidey.

Andrew adjusted his crotch again and winked at his reflection in the mirror. “Okay, stud, let’s fight some bad guys.”

***

Tobey Maguire let out a deep sigh.

“I’m too fucking old for this”, he mumbled as he looked at himself in the mirror.

It was true, he wasn’t 27 anymore, he wasn’t the young, hot actor playing Spider-Man for the first time. He had done it for more than 15 years, fighting crime, spinning webs and looking awesome in a skintight suit.

But the suit still fit, and he looked pretty hot in it.

And his recent divorce and his waning career meant that he had a lot more time fighting crime than ever before.

“I’m too fucking old for this”, he repeated with a grin. “Let’s fucking do this!”

***

There was nothing that comic book villains dreaded more than comic book superheroes. Even if they were off-duty, those pesky champions of the law were a serious pain in the ass.

That’s why the ASVA (American Super Villain Association, formerly League of Evil) had come up with an elaborate, intricate plan to get rid of the three Spider-Men that were causing all sorts of trouble.

The surveillance room was packed with people.

Those who had been lucky enough to be mentioned in Newsarama’s “The 10 Greatest SPIDER-MAN Villains of ALL TIME!” were sitting in the front row, right in front of the large screens.

Doctor Octopus pressed a few buttons with his tentacles, and the screens filled with images of the empty warehouse that would soon become the site of a huge battle of Spider-Man egos.

“What is he waiting for?” Venom hissed.

“He’ll deliver”, Sandman said. “Trust me, he’ll deliver.”

***

Tom loved all the gadgets that came with the job. There was no feeling in the world that could compare to the thrill of swinging from skyscraper to skyscraper.

Tom made a point of passing Times Square whenever possible. He loved the attention that he got from the crowd.

People were gasping and pointing, staring up at him, their faces filled with awe.

Tonight, their faces were filled with something else, though.

Tom couldn’t quite grasp what it was, though. Shock? Dismay? Disgust?

Why on earth did they---

Then he saw it.

His phenomenal junk was flapping and flopping in the breeze, his beautiful cock and his big, heavy balls out in the open, for everyone to see.

Tom gasped. “What the f---"

He should have known that the slightest distraction could prove disastrous in mid-swing.

A single thought crossed his mind as he slammed into a completely uncalled-for flagpole nuts-first: “Why?”

The crowd on the ground burst out laughing as Spider-Man’s bare balls were crushed flat as pancakes, and a shrill squeal echoed through the streets of New York.

“WHYYYYYYYYYYYY??????”

***

Andrew thought he heard something. A high-pitched sound, maybe a sonar or an ultrahigh frequency signal. Then again, maybe it was just a dog-whistle.

He continued swinging through the streets of downtown Manhattan until he reached the three thugs that he had been looking for.

“Hey there”, he said cheerfully, landing on the ground on one knee, with both hands touching the ground in his typical Spider-Man pose.

The three thugs stared at him. They had just emptied a purse that they had robbed from an old lady, and they were in the process of re-filling it. Standing in a circle around the purse, they were jerking their fat, rock-hard dicks, aiming for the purse.

“Oh you pervs”, Andrew clicked his tongue. “That’s just sick.”

Thug #1 turned to him, a dumb expression on his face, his impressive boner swinging from side to side.

“Your fly is open”, Andrew dead-panned.

The thug looked down just in time to see a ball of spiderweb connect with his dick and nuts, crushing his nuts flat as pancakes and making his hard dick bend in a very uncomfortable angle.

“Made you look!” Andrew smiled as the thug let out an anguished scream. Utterly unfazed by the thug’s shrill squeal Andrew delivered a hard kick to his nuggets that knocked him out cold, sending him to the ground.

Thug #2 didn’t fare any better.

After ducking a vicious punch, Andrew delivered a nut-crunching uppercut to the thug’s exposed nuts before using his swinging ball bag as a punching bag, throwing punch after punch after nad-shattering punch at his rapidly swelling nutsack.

With a whimper, the thug passed out, his dick and balls beet red.

Thug #3 was so impressed by Andrew’s fighting skills that he shot a big, juicy load in appreciation.

“Aww, a fountain!” Andrew quipped at the sight of the thug showering his passed-out friends with his copious spunk.

The thug was frozen in shock and pleasure, his dick spitting out spurt after spurt of creamy spunk.

Andrew waited patiently until he had emptied his nuts. Then he used his spiderweb to create a pair of handcuffs, a pair of ankle shackles, and a chastity cage for the thug.

“I’ll tell the police to keep your dick locked up when they book you in”, Andrew smiled as the thug stared at him with wide-eyed terror. “I’m sure your cell mates will love it when you’re constantly horny…”

The thug opened his mouth to say something but Andrew gagged him with another ball of spiderweb.

Then he rubbed his hands, admiring his handiwork.

“Time to call the cops”, he said and turned around.

He was surprised to fire hydrant right in front of him.

“That wasn’t there before, right?” he mumbled, scratching his head. 

A split second later, a blast of water shot out of the fire hydrant, hitting Andrew right in the groin.

“Oh god, my nuts!” The handsome young man’s face contorted in pain as he lost consciousness. “My fucking nuts!”

***

Tobey didn’t need the excitement and the noise of Manhattan. He had decided to focus his crime-fighting activities on Brooklyn for the time being. No need to swing from skyscraper to skyscraper, no need to get violent. He liked to parole the street and explain the virtues of recycling to people who tossed their plastic bottles into the wrong trash can.

Tonight was a pretty calm night, and he was on the verge of going home and continue his binge-watch of “Better Call Saul” when he bumped right into soda vending machine that was standing right in the middle of the sidewalk

“What the fuck?!” Tobey mumbled. “Wha---”

He was rudely interrupted by a can of Mountain Dew hitting him in the crotch at nut-crunching velocity.

“Ugh!” Tobey grunted, his eyes crossing as the pain washed through his body.

Before he could do anything, a can of Doctor Pepper’s found its way into his most vulnerable place, hitting him right in the dick.

“God!” Tobey croaked.

As if to make up for missing Tobey’s testicles, two more cans – Cherry Coke and A&W Cream Soda – shot out, hitting his left nut and his right nut in rapid succession.

“Lord have mercy!” Tobey gasped, falling to his knees.

The can of Pepsi that hit him in the head knocked him out.

***

An hour later, the three Spider-Men found themselves in the abandoned warehouse, dizzy and dazed, their nuts aching terribly.

Their masks were gone, their suits were shredded, their genitals were dangling out in the open.

It took a little while for them to recognize each other.

Not far away, in the surveillance room, Dr. Octopus turned to Spidercide and smiled. “Good work.”

Spidercide chuckled. “It was easy. The flagpole was a little tricky because of my vertigo, but the fire hydrant and the vending machine were a piece of cake.” He turned to the screens where the three Spider-Men were engaging in a heated debate. “Who’s going to finish them?”

Dr. Octopus smiled. “Nobody. We’ll let them finish each other.” He grabbed a microphone and pressed a button.

Inside the warehouse, a nasty acoustic feedback made Tom, Andrew and Tobey cover their ears.

Then the familiar voice of their greatest foe echoed through the empty building.

“Welcome, Spider-Men! How good to see you all in one place. You are probably wondering what’s going on. Well, it’s easy. You are here to fight each other. Three Spider-Men are two too many. So we thought we’d let you decide who the real Spider-Man is. The rules are very simple: You fight each other and the winner gets to fuck the losers’ asses – literally and figuratively. Have fun.”

The loudspeaker went silent.

The three studs stared at each other.

“Oh, almost forgot to tell you”, Dr. Octopus said. “Go for the nuts.”

***

"The Incredible Spider-Men" will return on Friday in 
Part 2: Nasty fight