World Cup Testers: Kickoff

The FIFA World Cup inspired me to write a couple of short stories that I’m going to publish over days of the Eighth-Finals (Saturday thru Tuesday). I whipped them out very spontaneously this week after catching a serious case of Wold Cup Fever and watching almost all of the World Cup matches so far... The stories are pretty straight-forward and simple... I hope you enjoy them! (And make sure to watch the game today! Keep your fingers crossed for Team USA and Germany to advance to the knockout round... :-))

Featured in this story: Phil (click for pictures)

“We have a deal, then?” the attractive young marketing consultant extended his hand.

“Yeah”, I said, smiling. We shook hands.

His name was Kieran and he was wearing a smart black suit with a white shirt and black leather shoes. He had a trained, muscular body, a tanned complexion and tousled brown hair.

“This is going to be one hell of a campaign”, he chuckled. “The videos are going to explode all over the internet.” There was a hint of insecurity in his handsome face. “Right?”

“Absolutely”, I assured him. “Everybody loves a good nutshot. And what better way to promote the new BULL’S EYE protective cups than the FIFA World Cup?”

“That’s what I told them”, Kieran nodded emphatically. “I hope they’ll go for it. I mean, money isn’t the problem. They have more than enough to pay the best soccer players in the world to kick a few balls. I told them, ‘Let’s do it at the World Cup. All the players that you want are there, and everybody is talking about them.’ I’ve already talked to some of them and I’ve got very positive feedback. Apparently, they are jumping at the chance to kick some human balls around for a change…” Kieran chuckled.

“So you really believe in the product, huh?” I asked.

Kieran stared at me. “Of course not. I mean, would you buy a protective cup with a bull’s eye on it?” He scoffed. “I’ve played baseball for most of my life and I would never ever wear that thing. You’re basically inviting your team mates to have a go at your nuts, right?”

I chuckled.

Kieran grinned. “But with our marketing campaign those cups are going to sell like hotcakes.” He took a sip of coffee and rubbed his hands. “Alright, let’s do it.” He stood and took off his shoes and pants, revealing a pair of very muscular legs.

I turned to Phil who was sitting next to me. The 18 year old soccer player smiled back at me. The cute redhead was wearing his soccer clothes, white shorts, a green jersey with his name and number on the back, white socks and cleats.

“Remember”, I told Phil, “we need something to convince the bosses. They’re almost sold, they just need a little nudge to greenlight the project.

Phil nodded eagerly.

“Unfortunately, none of our models was available today”, I continued, “so Kieran steps in.”

“Just for the demo clip”, Kieran said and took off his white boxer briefs, exposing an impressive limp dick and a healthy pair of hairy balls. “I’m not really an actor.”

I smiled. “I think you’ll be perfect.”

Kieran smiled coyly and shrugged. “I guess it depends on that guy’s performance…” He pointed at Phil.

Phil chuckled. “I’ll do my very best.”

Kieran reached inside his briefcase and produced what looked like a brand new example of  the cups we were going to promote. It looked like your standard protective cup, made of white plastic, with a big, red bull’s eye on the front. Kieran looked at us and knocked on the plastic surface, making a hollow sound. He grimaced comically. “Those things are made in Asia. Cheap as can be”, he chuckled.

He put on a jockstrap that matched the cup’s design with another red bull’s eye at the front. He carefully rearranged his junk inside the cup. Apparently, he was having trouble storing his meat and two veg safely in the cup.

Finally, he seemed to be happy with the result. “There you go”, he mumbled.

“We’ll do it like this”, he explained. “You kick me in the cup and I’ll smile and give a thumbs-up. Then I take the cup out, you kick my nuts again, I scream in pain and fall to the floor and so on.” He turned to Chad. “Make sure you get a close-up of my balls. The viewer has to see the difference when I don’t have the cup.”

Chad nodded. “Sure.”

“The claim is going to be: ‘This is what happens when you don’t wear a BULL’S EYE protective cup.” Or something like that. My guys are working on the exact wording”, Kieran said, carefully knocking on his cup. The sound was less hollow now.

He looked up and clapped his hands. “Alright, let’s go.” He looked slightly ridiculous, standing there in his white shirt and black jacket, naked from the waist down except his black socks, and of course the jockstrap with the perfectly placed bull’s eye at his crotch.

“Ready?” I looked at my cameraman Chad.

Chad nodded.

Phil stood in front of Kieran, looking quite hot in his soccer attire.

Kieran looked into the camera and smiled. “Hi there, it’s time to kick some balls.” He pointed at his groin and winked into the camera. “Here’s your target.” Kieran looked at Phil and smiled brightly. “Come on, lad, give it your best shot.”

Phil didn’t have to be told twice. He threw his foot between Kieran’s thighs as he had done a thousand times on the field, except this time Kieran’s testicles were at the receiving end of one of Phil’s famous game-winning kicks.

There was a dull thud when Phil’s foot connected with Kieran’s crotch, immediately followed by a loud cracking sound and a shrill scream.

“Fuck!” Kieran yodeled in a high-pitched voice. “Fuck! My nuts!”

Phil, Chad and I cringed in sympathy.

“It broke!” Kieran yelled in a soprano voice. “The fucking thing broke!” He doubled over, clutching his crotch and groaning in pain.

“I guess we’ll have to do another take”, Phil grinned. “Do you have another one of those things?”

Kieran groaned. “Give me a minute.” Moaning in pain, he crawled across the floor and reached for his briefcase. “That’s the last one”, he said in a strained voice, holding up another cup. He slowly got up and reached inside the jockstrap. Grimacing in pain, he pulled out the shattered cup that had broken into three pieces. “Damn, that thing is worthless”, he mumbled. Sighing, he inserted the new cup into his jockstrap. Apparently it was even harder to arrange his dick and balls the right way. “Great”, Kieran mumbled sarcastically. “They’re swollen now…” Finally, he had found a comfortable position. He stretched his legs and tentatively knocked on the cup, wincing when he made contact. “Okay, this’ll do”, he said as if to reassure himself.

He turned to Phil. “You think you could be a little more gentle this time?”

Phil raised his eyebrows. “I could, sure, but it’ll look fake on camera.”

“Damnit, you’re right”, Kieran thought. “That’s the last thing we want. Remember that Backstreet Boys baseball bat hoax? Now that’s bad publicity…”

Kieran thought for a moment.

I shrugged. “On the other hand, this is just a demo and---”

I was rudely interrupted by a quick yet very effective backhand slap that connected perfectly with my nuts. Phil seemed to be as good a ball slapper as he was a ball kicker.

I yelped in surprise in pain.

“Sorry, what was that you said?” Kieran asked.

“Nothing”, Phil said quickly.

I groaned in affirmation.

“Okay”, Kieran said and spread his legs. “Go for it and don’t hold back. I’ll act as if the cup worked.”

Phil chuckled.

“You sure?” I asked in a hoarse voice, cupping my aching groin.

“I want the demo to be perfect. It has to seriously wow them”, Kieran said, adjusting his crotch and spreading his legs even wider. “If that means I won’t have sex for a week, so be it.” He had an almost heroic expression on his face. “My girlfriend will understand.”

Phil took his position in front of Kieran.

“Hi folks”, Kieran said, smiling bravely. “Now it’s time to kick some balls.” He turned to Phil, his thumbs pointing at his crotch. “Here’s your target. Give it your best shot.”

Phil took a step back. Then, with a little running start, he aimed a powerful kick at Kieran’s insufficiently protected babymakers. The tip of his foot landed right in the middle of the bull’s eye, and Phil let out a jubilant “Yes!”

Kieran tried his best to stay calm. His eyes fluttered and crossed almost imperceptible. His bit his lower lip just as it started trembling. Struggling to keep his hands behind his back, he breathed slowly and tried to smile. It didn’t look very convincing, but nevertheless I was thoroughly impressed by his acting chops.

For a guy who had just taken a full-blown kick in the plums by a professional soccer player, Kieran acquitted himself rather perfectly.

“Thank God for BULL’S EYE protective cups”, Kieran whispered in a strained voice.

He let out an almost inaudible whimper as he reached inside his jockstrap and pulled out the cup. This one wasn’t shattered but it was badly damaged as well. Phil’s foot had left a deep dent right in the middle of the bull’s eye, almost turning the cup inside out. I could almost imagine what the kick had done to Kieran’s poor nuts, and I grimaced in sympathy.

Kieran seemed to be thinking the same thing. His face went white and he quickly threw the damaged cup away.

“And now”, Kieran said in a toneless voice. “Let’s see what that looks like without a BULL’S EYE protective cup.”

Chad focused on Kieran’s groin, making sure to get a good close-up of Keiran’s bulging jockstrap. It was quite obvious that he wasn’t wearing any protection now. His big, limp dick was just as well outlined as his two plump testicles. It almost looked as if his balls were moving, throbbing in pain or maybe sensing the danger they were in and trying to get away.

No such luck.

A second later, Phil’s foot connected with the soft mound in Kieran’s jockstap, flattening the fat bulge and catching both of Kieran’s hefty gonads dead-on.

Kieran screamed from the of of his lungs, grabbed his balls and jumped up and down in a futile attempt to make the pain go away.

“As if jumping would make them drop back down”, Phil chuckled. He folded his arms and watched Kieran drop to the ground and curl up in a ball, whimpering in pain. “I don’t think a week’ll do”, he said thoughtfully.

I looked at him.

“The girlfriend”, he said. “I’d say two weeks without sex, at least”, he added, sounding curiously like a TV pundit. “Maybe three. But definitely more than one.”

“Did you get it?” Kieran whispered, cradling his nuts, tears in his eyes.

“Yup”, Chad nodded.

“And you can see the difference between cup and no cup?” Kieran asked.

Chad nodded again.

“Good”, Kieran said, grimacing in pain.

Later that evening, Kieran called me. “BULL’S EYE is go!” he said excitedly. “Call the boys, we’re going to Brazil!”